Can it get any worse?

[glamgirl]

Naej thanks for those kind words. I used to carry around so much anger and hatrid for my h, not sure what I did to not feel that way so much.

I do hate his poor behavior that is for sure. In many ways I actually feel compassion and sorry for my h. He hasn't really experienced what life really is about. He hasn't experienced how to truly love another or in many ways how that feels back.

Praise God that I can feel the love of God and in some small ways I am able to love my h unconditionally regardless of all the destructive things he continues to put me and the kids through.

PH it's a tough one about the boosting of the ego. I have tried to do that for my h in so many different ways, but because I think he in some ways carries anger towards me, he can't see me in the real light. So for him he seeks out others to help to feel needed and to fuel his ego. What he needs to do is find contentment in what he has and not be concerned with helping strangers to the extent that he does. My h doesn't know when to say NO. Then he puts himself in a situation overstepping his boundaries, because he doesn't know what those boundaries are.

No doubt BH that my h is an a$$, but I am trying to separate myself from harboring ill will towards him and to take the road of kindness. I truly believe that one day my h will come to know the truth and will appreciate me for who I am and not an overbearing controlling w.

I truly believed I will be blessed along the way for showing kindness rather than to be mean spirited. Life is too short for harboring anger and unforgiveness in your heart. It doesn't mean you condone their poor behavior, but you don't allow them to affect you day to day.

The biggest lesson I have learned in all of this, is acceptance of who my h is now. I didn't want to accept that for so long, but now I must, because this truly is the man he has become or has really been all along. Acceptance is a better place to be. You accept them and then you step back.

My h and I may never be together as h and w ever again, but I do have children with him and we do need to learn to accept each other as we are.

We turned in all the paperwork for the loan modification we will see where we go from here.