Still getting nowhere fast....

[lost-n-Iowa]

I find myself pulling back from my H again. He says things all the time that are so stupid (for a lack of a better word) Things just come out of his mouth and they may mot be designed to set me off but they do. I have been doing really good today on not being roped into an arguement with him by trying to speak calmly and hold myself in check but it is hard.

He still is the same man that he was when I filed for the divorce. I don't think he gets it that I would be unhappy to get the divorce but at the same time that I would be happier if we did go through with it. At least I think that I would be. I feel like I am still getting no where with this whole thing.

We are going to C and doing a love dare type of book together and I do see some changes but it never last more than a day. I keep looking at the whole pic and trying to figure out if it is just me and if I really want to be here. I am not sure.

I love my H and would like nothing more than to have a great M with him but not like this. I am tired of being told what I should be doing with my money, my family, my kids, my friends, my animals, etc. He says that he is only making suggestions but it sure don't feel like that to me.

I am sleeping on the couch tonight b/c we got into an arguement about a cat. My cat died, my daughter wants to bring a new one home from her dad's girlfriends house. I told her (when my H was just coming into the room) that I did not want to get another cat yet. He heard me say something about getting another cat and he got upset that I had not talked to him about getting one and that he would not allow another cat in the house. I said that I was happy to see that he had talked to me about NOT getting another cat. It went a bit farther and I said please leave my office. He made a rude sound and an ugly face and left. I think it was stupid!!!!!