Storm - I KNOW the next chapter will be easier AND better. I can feel it in my bones. I am not afraid of what will come my way. I feel more confident these days than I have even before I met my H. I am ready to move on to a new career and not be afraid that I won't make it. I am ready to, hopefully, find someone to share my life with. But, this time...NOT settle. I was thinking the other day...how, I used to settle for people that I KNEW were not everything I needed. Usually, they were "the bad boys" because they were "exciting" and kept me interested in them. Now, I know that even though they keep me interested, for a while, the bad boys become "not so bad" anymore, and then they often F up...big time. Hence, my husband, Steven....he was a "bad boy". He kept me interested and attracted to him because he was so persistant and determined to get me and spontaneous and youthful and unpredictable. Then we settled into our life. He wasn't boring. But, he wasn't exciting anymore. And, I was fine with that. But, the same things that attracted me to him are the same things that destroyed us...bad boy, determined to get "what HE wants", immature, and unreliable. Same qualities..different words. Now, I feel strong enough to pass that up and find someone that is dependable, believes in committment, treats me well, treats others well, responsible, grown up as well as youthful, spontaneous and goal oriented and STILL be exciting. I know he's out there. I know it. I feel it.
FG - love you so much for everything. Truly, I do. You have been my 2 X 4 and one of the few that really make me "think" about what I am doing and what I NEED to do.
I know the detaching is good for me. It feels good. I don't dwell as much on the sitch. When I am not faced with him or his calls or questions...especially about when I am going to finalize the divorce...that's when I can think of other things. The biggest obstacle I am still having is not snooping at their life from time to time. I'm intelligent enough to know that it accomplishes nothing other than to upset me at times. I don't know what I am looking for. Yes, I do. I am looking for some sign of discontentment in their lives. Why? I guess I want to be vindicated. But, it won't change anything. My family is broken. I am divorced. My husband cheated on me, left me pregnant, doesn't support his daughter and left me with the debt. But, guess what...I survived and I am surviving and I am stronger for it. My vidication comes by knowing that HE is still the SAME person. But, now, he can screw up HER life. Not mine, anymore. HE is HER anchor, her toxin, her downfall. I am free to be someone new and better. I am free to focus on myself and my daughter and our life. You talk about being careful about what I "see". That is the other issue. I am still having trouble using my own eyes. I waffle between being hurt by their "life" and KNOWING it isn't what it seems. I go back and forth, back and forth. I am sure that with time this will balance out and I won't even need to look at their life. That's when the forgiveness will most likely come. Because I won't care anymore.
As far as the letter is concerned...you are right...again. I don't need to write it out and rehash it. I've written it. I've thought about it, I've dreamt about it, I've dwelled on it. I looked at it, I learned from it. Now I need to let it go.
As far as accepting the divorce. I fought it...I did. I procrastinated and put it off. We went to court in April. I should have finished it by the end of that month. But, I found reasons not to do it. Last night. I picked up the paperwork and I thought...what am I waiting for? Really? Am I waiting for him to have an epiphany? To realize he made a mistake? To come home and stop it? Doesn't matter...he can't come home. I don't want him. Not the "him" he is today. I am not willing to open myself up to the possibility of him doing this again. His love is shallow and not worthy of mine, in return. So, I just decided to gett'er done. Get it over with. That way it isn't hanging over my head...ANYMORE.
I feel lighter.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
He can't realize what he has done...he is too self absorbed. If he did have one smidgen of a thought like that he would just freak out so he purposely keeps those thoughts away.
Glad you did the paperwork! Your new life is starting.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
But, the same things that attracted me to him are the same things that destroyed us
this is something that happens to many of us. the things that are quirks or unique about the other person that caused us to be attracted to them, are the exact things that we become annoyed with years down the road. I do believe it all depends on this main thing, to stop looking for our happiness from our spouse and to love ourselves. If we love ourselves, we will not allow others to disrespect us, and we will "shine", and if we stop looking for our happiness from our spouse, we will not be under the downfall of expectations, and both of those things together will allow us to keep ourselves, not lose our identities.
anyways, I know you had a tough road, but I'm happy for you that you've now closed that chapter and are able to move on. Just be sure to better yourself and to create in you the person God meant you to be, both spiritually, physically, and mentally, and God will provide a great person for you to spend your life with and to be the father that K needs.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
"But, the same things that attracted me to him are the same things that destroyed us."
Amazing what happens when "life" narrows your view.
This is true...one counselor told me that exh always kept me off balance. Kept me sorta dangling there without even knowing it. Thinking back he did it when we were dating too. It was very subtle but he always kept me grasping and trying harder and harder to please him. I remember thinking that it would change once we became comfortable. It doesn't.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Good Morning. I am still doing okay. I was kind of worried that the reality of the D would hit me, but so far, I've been okay. I suppose the day I get the final court-signed papers saying it's official...I may cry some.
H keeps calling. I don't answer. He called last night. He called at 6am this morning. I didn't answer. No message. So, it can't be that important, can it. Most likely he's looking for sex talk. I think that is the main reason I don't answer. I just don't want to deal with it.
Kendall is healthy for the first time in a really long time. No cough, no congestion. She's eating, laughing, playing. I LOVE IT!!!! Wow, she truly is a godsend. She makes me so damn happy...I'm actually crying right now as I type that. I just love her so much.
Last night when I went in to check on her...it was soooo quiet and still. It was fairly dark and as I peeked on her...she looked way too still. For a brief moment, I panicked thinking something might be wrong. That was the worst feeling I have EVER felt. Thank god it was brief. But, it made me worry about her first whole weekend with her Dad starting tomorrow. I really worry....
I suppose, mostly, it's because I am her Mom and somehow maybe I feel that no one can care for her like I can. But, it's also because he is so irresponsible and doesn't pay attention and is rough and impatient. I worry because the majority of the weekend he'll have both babies by himself. I just can't imagine. I just pray pray pray pray pray pray.
Last edited by blindsided1; 07/02/0902:29 PM.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
"FG - love you so much for everything. Truly, I do. You have been my 2 X 4 and one of the few that really make me "think" about what I am doing and what I NEED to do."
Thanks so much. But.. you know me I am a Physical Guy and I want to see you "Do IT". I am glad I could help in my quirky little way. I am still around swinging at people when I get the chance. Never forget where you came from.. and remember that what is coming is more important. That is why I always tell you to "Keep your head up". It's so you can "see" what coming.. and so I can "see" your smile.
I am still around and you know where to find me if you need me.
Keep your head up...
and Always....
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
I am proud of you. You faced down the D demon and you are on the other side, the healing side. I know it isn't what you wanted, but you have that beautiful sweetheart and a fresh start in front of you.
The only thing that worries me is that you say he left you with the debt. I do hope the D papers makes him shoulder at least half of that.
I can remember when you had K. I was so happy for you. I'm happy for you now. Have a great holiday weekend.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
