Dncrm, thank you for the kind words. I was really beginning to feel unwelcome here. I think there is a misunderstanding about my feelings. Deep down, I still want my marriage to work. I love my husband. I wouldn't have been DB'ing for 4 years otherwise. But, it's exhausting. I'm just tired of constantly being on guard for the worst. I want to buy into what he is saying but some of the actions prove that I should be cautious.
In a lot of ways, our marriage is stronger today than it was five years ago. Now, H and I share some activities. We have other couples that we regularly do things with. Since April, H is more playful with me and flirty. He kisses me, which is something that he stopped doing during the affair. My kids have noticed the changes.
My heart wants it to be true. I guess my head is skeptical.
