Newbie - first post and ?s

[Faith2010]

You grieve however you feel you need to. Your H doesn't have a feeling bone left in his body where you are concerned. He is only thinking of himself and OW. It's hard to hear, I know, even harder to accept. Honestly, the best thing you can do for yourself and your son right now is to completely detach from your H. Let him spin wildly out of control all on his own. He will you know. As soon as the fantasy he has been living in for so long comes crashing down around him and becomes the ugly reality of everyday living, he'll realize what he's done. Mine did.....far too late. The detachment will keep you and your son from being pulled down with him.

So, looking at the realities of what you are facing:

1)BIL's passing is unconditionally the first priority right now. Emotionally, you need to grieve, but try to compartmentalize the grief so it doesn't become intertwined with the pain from your M.

2)Living arrangements - unfortunately it's sounding more and more like he is going to force something here. I can't imagine that any man would kick his W and child to the curb, but he's going to make life miserable for you if you stay in the same house much longer. Do you have any options? Can you kick him out?

3)I'm not sure if I have read it here or not, do you work?

Mishka - I really appreciate your response. You are right, H does not care about my feelings. H is only thinking of himself and OW. I also agree he probably needs to hit bottom to realize what truly matters. In order for him to do that, I need to detach. Right now I feel pulled in two directions because it is his brother that died and I know the pain he's in. Unfortunately for me, I am not only grieving for BIL but also our M. It's like H slapped me in the face yesterday with a reality check of how he really feels. I've been focusing on changing myself and trying to be the best W I can be, one H would be crazy to leave. I wasn't facing what H is actually feeling. I was reading into all those mixed signals, thinking, praying and hoping what I was doing was making a difference. Yesterday I realized the truth and it was like being run over by an 18 wheeler.

I do work Mishka. Luckily I love my job but unfortunately the legislature just passed decreasing all State worker's salaries by 2.5% effective today. It's like the cherry on top of the cake.

When it rains, it pours and I'm drenched.