On being the best O'Dog I can be

[orangedog]

Here's what I sent. Harsh but it needs to be said.



"your agenda is that this is short term"

Not agreed. My "agenda" is "to be the best me I can be and be prepared for anything".

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"OMG this is horrible..."

No, but it's not enjoyable. What are we doing? To our marriage, our family, finances, futures and why are we doing this? This is supposed to be "better"?

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"How the kids are doing..."

Indeed, how are they doing? Yes, things were going easy at first but the novelty is wearing off and reality is starting to sink in. Both of them are acting out.

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"re Kids and temporary."

I'm not misleading them either way but I don't believe divorce is the best thing for the family and I won't say it is. If you believe this situation is not temporary then you tell them. You need to be accountable for your actions.

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"You should tell him that you like living in your own house, and you love it when they come to stay with you, and its great that from now on they have 2 houses."

It's not great that we have two houses and I won't say it is. It's not great that your best friend has moved in and totally taken over the place and I won't say it is. How about I tell them I like my house, I love it when we are together, but really want to be a family again?

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"I don't want to sit down with the kids again and say "we're getting divorced" ... its too traumatic."

Yeah, but it's going to have to happen if it going to happen. This is real and you're pushing for it. Once again you need to be accountable for your actions.

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"but I don't want to be misleading and we need to be on the same page as far as what the kids are hearing. I am VERY happy that we are able to continue to get along as a family for the kids as I'm sure it makes things way better for them."

Yeah, I want to be a great dad too. But it seems you want to get along as a family but not be a family. You want me in your life but you don't. You want it both ways. How is this going to work when we are divorced? It's confusing for me right now. It must be very confusing to the kids.

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I want to be a great husband, a great dad, and I'm willing to work with you should you decide to do the work, but don't ask me to advocate your position should you chose divorce. I won't compromise myself.

Part of my work is "running my own game" and not constantly seeking someone else's approval. It killed me, made you feel bad, and drained the life out of our relationship. Like I said in the previous email, the old dynamic is dead and I won't go back to it.