I think Coach said it well with "stop letting her ruin your day" but I know how difficult it can be to separate from them when they are acting this way.
What saved me was FINALLY being able to keep our conversations very, very short and to the point. When my XW was in her hostile phase (thank Heaven we've been experiencing a bit of truce - called by her on herself), I did a few things to keep me sane and emotionally in check:
1) I never answered her e-mails right away. They were so bitter, biting and venom-filled that they brought out all the emotions in me...and my replies always made things worse, not better. 2) I only answered questions that were directly related to D. Even then, I tried to keep my answers as simple and direct as possible. XW HATED this! 3) I finally convinced myself that I wasn't being rude or disrespectful by ending conversations when it was convenient and healthy for ME. In the past, I always tried to make sure she was happy often at my own expense. As part of setting boundaries, I learned to show her through my actions that I would not be subjected to her beratement any longer. 4) I finally had to spell out to her in VERY CLEAR terms that not only would I not be treated like this, but if this is the type of adverse relationship she wanted to have, we can have it. However, I made sure to point out to her that this was a two-way street, so she can expect inflexibility from me going forward and that this was absolutely the wrong type of relationship to have for the benefit of our D. I made it clear to her that if the hostility continued, it would not be by my choice and the "blood would be on her hands and on her hands alone" as I'm no longer willing to play this sort of game. I made sure XW knew that any and all future correspondences sent by her that were hostile in any way, shape or form would not only be documented, but would not be replied to by me at all.
All of these things were what I needed to do to finally get my XW to apologize to me for her behavior and treatment of me and to also get her to try to have a decent working relationship w/me about our D.
It has been over two months now and I'm happy as a clam in high tide w/the relatinship we currently have. I am hoping it will continue, but I'm very convinced that had I not stood up for myself and established boundaries, my XW would still be very ugly and bitter toward me.
I hope this helps and I know you have the same type of lady to deal with b/c we both are in a parallel life, remember, brother?
