OMG, is it a sign that all day today the thought of getting back with my H is scaring the heck out of me. Today I went to lunch with some co-workers, two of which are pregnant. We were talking about their expected deliveries names etc and internally I was fuming at my H. I'm pissed that he has put me in this position where the thought of even having my own family seems so distant. Urrrrrrrgggg!!! I'm even getting butterflies in my stomach all day today of just the thought of H and I getting back together - I really don't know if I want to. I'm terrified of him in a way - can make myself vulnerable again to him to let him hurt me like this again. I'm scared of putting myself back into this situation.
To be honest I think I'm just projecting all my feelings onto H today. I'm even slightly upset that my new friend has not been calling me- I guess a quick end before a beginning. I know its wrong but I'm mad at H that I'm even put in this situation to have to look for someone else to start my life over with and to face rejection again. Ahhhh man. I think sometimes its so much better to be single but so lonely too.
