Here's my proposed response. It's pretty strong so I'll wait a bit before I hit the send.
"OMG this is horrible..."
No, but it's not enjoyable. What are doing? To our marriage, our family, finances, futures and why are we doing this again? This is supposed to be "Better"?
"How the kids are doing..."
Indeed, how are they doing? Yes, things were going easy at first but the novelty is wearing off and it's starting to sink in. Both of them are reacting. Do they know this is headed for divorce? This is a long term thing. How will they be doing in five, ten, twenty years?
"I wanted to see if I regreted the decision and felt like I just had to have you back as a husband. So far, I don't feel like I've made a horrible mistake."
It's only been a short while. We're supposed to be working on things for a while, remember? I felt a little relieved to be away from you at first too. But how will it be in six months, one year, five years, ten years?
"Kids and temporary."
I'm not misleading them either way but I don't believe divorce is the best thing for the family, it's not my choice, and I won't say it is. I'll stay quiet. This is your choice and you need to be accountable for your actions. If you believe this is not temporary then you tell them.
"You should tell him that you like living in your own house, and you love it when they come to stay with you, and its great that from now on they have 2 houses."
How about I tell them I like my house, I love it when we are together but really want to be a family again?
"I don't want to sit down with the kids again and say "we're getting divorced" ... its too traumatic."
Yeah, but it's going to have to happen if it going to happen. Once again you need to be accountable for your actions.
"but I don't want to be misleading and we need to be on the same page as far as what the kids are hearing. I am VERY happy that we are able to continue to get along as a family for the kids as I'm sure it makes things way better for them."
Yeah, I want to be a great dad too. But it seems you want to get along as a family but not be a family. You want to have it both ways. You want me in your life but you don't. How is this going to work when we are divorced? It must be very confusing to the kids.
"I hope this doesn't make things awkward for Vacation"
I have plenty of things I can do over the week of the Fourth. I was looking forward to the time with the family and willing to really help you out but why am I doing that? I'm going to take a time out on this one.
---
I know you're probably very angry right now at what I've written. But I want to make my position clear; I want to be a great husband and a great dad but if divorce is your choice then you need to tell them. Don't ask me to compromise who I am. I saw a clip of "Cosby" yesterday and thought, "that's the kind of husband and father I want to be". I will continue my work.
Last edited by orangedog; 07/01/0908:19 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
