DQ - 1) About the porn. Can you tell me, does it offend you, or are you just ticked when he watches it and then doesn't initiate?
I don't find porn morally objectionable, if that is the question. But I guess I am more than "ticked" ... It is definitely, in part, because H doesn't initiate that makes me annoyed that he watches it. But more than that really ... I guess I AM offended b/c I am HERE and willing / wanting to ML and he's off in another room with basically someone else! It is as if he doesn't want to acknowledge that I have sexual needs and/or am willing to meet his needs. And then lastly, I think that his use of porn only contributes to our sexual problems because a) he won't initiate if he can figure out how to "get the job done" w/o me; and b) he will only make a PE problem worse by rushing along the process in secret all the time. Honestly, I guess I am offended but not for the usual "offended by porn" reason. So I'm seething all the time when he goes into the bathroom for an extended period of time ... like a CRAZY person basically monitoring him. I think I need to have a discussion with him that I want it to stop ... but is that unreasonable? Seriously, I am curious what people think.
2) And the other thing, you said that you are sometimes a little grossed out during sex. Can you explain this a little more?
I'm not sure if I can. I guess ... I guess if I knew that the sexual experience was going to be exciting / gratifying, I would be much more into it but I almost don't even want to be kissed or even breathed on. It ends up being all about the mechanics -- like "let's just get this over with so we can move onto something else." And I get annoyed that there is SO much foreplay ... like 90% of the session is that. And I kind of know what's going to happen and it is so ... unappealing to me ... (I really can't even believe that I'm admitting this things even to myself.) I know I have control over what happens in the bedroom too but I feel like I'm already in control of so much that I don't want to take the reins on this too. I find his unwillingness to be sexually aggressive so unsexy that I'm not into it. I'll DO IT but I'm a little turned off. There might be more to it ... or less ...
