On being the best O'Dog I can be

[Coach]

I don't see an immediate reconciliation. Working towards reconcililation is not something I am thinking about right now. It doesn't seem like its something you are thinking about either. I think the further you get from our marriage, the better you like the idea that you don't have to "live up to my expectations." I think you might miss the companionship of being in our marriage, and sort of the security that goes with knowing where you are in the world.

Call her on this BS. She is not doing any thinking for herself yet she is thinking for you. YOU let her know what you think, feel and believe.

I also wanted to see if either of us thought OMG this is horrible...what have we done?

Let her know how you feel and what you think. Reality check for Mrs OD. Think thru this.....What have we done? To our marriage, our family, finances, futures and why are we doing this again?

I wanted to see how the kids were doing.

Really? How are your kids doing? Do they really know that you are heading for a divorce? She's making decisons based on short term feelings without full disclosure and fact finding.

I wanted to see if I regreted the decision and felt like I just had to have you back as a husband. So far, I don't feel like I've made a horrible mistake.

She feels fine because it's still not reality. Time to play some hardball and let the cat out of the bag. So far she has gotten her way and it all lines up with how she thought it would feel.

Yes it can be hard. Yes I miss the security and comfort of marriage. Yes I miss the kids and realize this is hard on them. But I am not filled with a sense of regret that makes me want to undo it right now.

I want to puke. She is telling you she has no sense of regret - she needs to feel regret. This is just a reality not vindictive or mean.

As far as Youngest's question, I heard you early in this tell him that we were "trying this for a while" which I know is how you have viewed it. Since then I know he has view it as temporary. I have not viewed it as temporary. Certainly not the 6 month timeline that would be "temporary" for Youngest. He asked me when BFF is moving back to WarmState. I have told him that she is not. He told me that she should move across the street and buy Neighbor's house because it is for sale. There is some transference going on there. But he did not outright say that he wants her to move somewhere else so that you can move back in. Nonetheless, I don't think it is wise at this point to encourage the idea that "maybe you'll move back in or maybe you won't." We have had zero discussion about you moving back in, and its not fair to him to even suggest its a possibility.

So tell your kids this isn't temporary. Let them know that this is not your choice when they ask. Let Mom tell them why this is happening. Let her be accountable for her actions. Reality 2x4. It doesn't feel so good now does it Mrs OD? Maybe a little regret now or are we still in lalaland?

You should tell him that you like living in your own house, and you love it when they come to stay with you, and its great that from now on they have 2 houses.

Really? You like living in your own house? You are supposed to say this to make her feel better? Tell your kids you love it when you are together but really want to be a family again. Let's just lie to the kids and tell hem how great it is that they get to have two houses. (me barfing again)

I don't want to sit down with the kids again and say "we're getting divorced" ... its too traumatic.

Too traumatic for who? Call her on this BS. It's real and she's pushing for it.

I hope this doesn't make things awkward for Vacation

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Let her know how flippin awkward this is.

but I don't want to be misleading and we need to be on the same page as far as what the kids are hearing. I am VERY happy that we are able to continue to get along as a family for the kids as I'm sure it makes things way better for them.

She wants to mislead the kids and get you to agree to it. She wants to get along as a family but not be a family. This makes her feel VERY happy.

I would stop doing things as a family because it is confusing to the kids. Are you going to keep doing things as a family once she divorces you?

I owuld think twice about that vacation. OD you need to lead your family. I might be way off here but that note struck a nerve with me. I think it's time for you to man up. You can handle it.

Cheers
Coach