I agree, Sandi is outstanding! Although I would like to hear more about your experience Kittyfish. As I recall, unlike Sandi's experience, there wasn't much your EX-H could do once you had decided you were "done". Thinking back, was there really NOTHING he couldn't have done to save your M? Did he pursue too much or not put in enough effort to work on his own issues? Did he not give you enough time to work things out on your own? Just curious as you and my W are close in age.
First of all, I broached the subject of a separation- which he refused. I even said, just sleep at your parents (five houses down) at night- you can be here every am for the kids and stay here until they go to bed. He refused. I have no family living near us so I couldn't. So I guess we had what I considered a in house separation. He went from not even sitting by me to wanting to be right beside me all the time. He wanted to talk relationship 24/7. Then he tried to have his family say that if I left I'd have to leave the kids- which clearly I had no intentions of doing- heck, I had raised them their whole lives- because he was always gone pursuing his hobbies. I cried for three days straight- and I mean seriously straight.
He wanted to talk to me late into the night- and I was exhausted. He barricaded me into the bedroom one night and that was my final straw. Every day he would ask "Are you staying? I cannot handle this limbo" I finally said, "No, you won't give me any space to work through this in my mind- so I want a divorce"
In addition to all his badgering and his families he made me counsel with our pastor for three hours one day and then invited the pastor over again that night- where he stayed about three more hours. I was just drained and cried out.
So, yeah, I got an apartment and moved out. He probably could have tried to show me he changed and wanted me back but he really didn't try. His tactic was to tell everyone what a WXore I was and how I had had affairs with five men and one woman (not true) etc. He even called my father to say I'd had an affair with five men!
