What's it really all about?

[AlexEN]

Carlos,

Thanks...

You're so very fortunate to be getting Greek's perspective - as I think her words offer a fine reminder that, as much as we might think we understand our WAS's words, there can often be much more going on...

Absolutely; it's a guessing game. And the words in and of themselves as you also wrote can convey only so much of the "real meaning" and even then only imperfectly...

Your W did share a lot of honesty in her note - and a lot of confusion - and I think it is enough for you to read the note and then let it go...not to belabor the water vehicle metaphor - but sometimes these notes - these brief glimpses that people offer us into themselves are merely like the canoes used to cross a river - once crossed, leave the canoe there - and don't try to portage that boat over a mountain like Herzog's Aguirre. That's the latent Buddhist in me talking...

Zen, you make a good point...

In other words...the notes are useful to an extent...but they don't offer enough to make sense of the writers (or the readers) nearly as much as their actions do.

Smiley would say that the real "tell" is Deeds, provided they are not false...

My main impulse it so feel sadness for her - sadness that she could feel so incomplete in herself that she could not even feel worthy of a love that sounds so important to her...But, and this comes to mind just as quickly, perhaps that is how she must feel in order for her to travel the journey she must travel...for her to navigate that river...

I think the latter is true; she feels she MUST travel the journey outside the context of our M. Of course, I do not agree, but I must accept...

My son is now 12 - his mother and I divorced shortly after he was born...and most people who meet him think he is the most stable, self-confident child they've ever met...the difference, I think, is that his mother and I both did our best for him - and did not take our issues, our shortcomings, etc, out on him...From my experience - and (albeit limited) empirical observations, the troubled children of divorce tend to have troubled parents...so...we can achieve a great deal in terms of protecting our children from the hell of divorce by modeling a strong, healthy, honorable way of living – become a person that sees even this pain, this mortifying experience, as an opportunity for growth...

So true, but I can only do my best as 50% of that parenting. I can become who I need to be, but it it's true that her self-interest will often trump the best interests of her children (not my words, but our MC's), we can't get all the way to 100%. That is part of what frightens me; I'm going to continue to work on me, but I can't "make" her work on her. I know that, too, is the reality, but I'm disappointed in it nonetheless.

Whoa...I went on a bit longer than I meant to...hope you don't mind...next time I'll cut and paste to my own thread so as not to hijack...

Carlos, you can hijack here any time...

Thanks,

AlexEN