So far so good today. I tried to get out of the house before he woke up and came upstairs (so happy he slept downstairs last night!) but no such luck. We didn't say one word to each other. I just got ready and got out of the house.
Working out tonight and then I have to go to a parents' meeting for my son to go to on our youth church camp trip to Florida at the end of July.
Told my sons where I'll be - I don't feel like I need to report in to him on what I'm doing anymore. Quite frankly I don't think he really cares; just as long as I'm not around.
I'm sure he has a lot to think about today. Confiding in our friend has certainly backfired on him. I'm still enjoying getting to tell him after he said he accidentally dialed her that she said he said "Pick up I told (my name) she can't tell me who I can and can't talk to anynmore."
I said to him last night there was a whole of crazy going on with her. To which he replied I'm sure there was.
After today, two more days until we leave for the lake! It cannot come soon enough!
I'm still enjoying getting to tell him after he said he accidentally dialed her that she said he said "Pick up I told (my name) she can't tell me who I can and can't talk to anynmore."
Nothing eventful last night. Really had little contact with him. Just went downstairs once to tell him dinner was ready because of course no one can take any initiative to get dinner together at my house (I stayed after work to workout at our gym). It wasn't anything fancy but at least everyone ate -albeit not until 8 pm!
I went to bed early because I had the worst headache last night plus I knew I was going to get into work today at 6:30 am because I need to leave early for a 2 pm counseling appointment. At one point, he came upstairs - stood in the doorway (he may have stepped in - I was kind of out of it) and then turned around and left. I sat up in bed because I could feel someone's presence - not sure if he saw me or not.
Anyway I was out the door before 6 am this morning so no contact. Who knows what's going through his head?! He didn't deny saying to her the other day that he didn't want to work on our marriage. He just said "see that's what happens when too many people talk about things." So based on his comments that I told you about this weekend and what he said Monday night I'm assuming he doesn't want to work on things - unless I hear differently from him.
I will get into work early tomorrow again because I want to try to get on the road tomorrow at a reasonable time. So looking forward to vacation! I will not be asking him if he's coming down for the 4th weekend. My assumption is that he will not be which is just as well at this point.
It will be interesting to see if there's any contact from him while we're gone. I will only contact him if there's an emergency. At this point, I'm feeling like I need a break from him and all his negativity.
Anyway I was out the door before 6 am this morning so no contact. Who knows what's going through his head?! He didn't deny saying to her the other day that he didn't want to work on our marriage. He just said "see that's what happens when too many people talk about things." So based on his comments that I told you about this weekend and what he said Monday night I'm assuming he doesn't want to work on things - unless I hear differently from him.
WRONG.
DO NOT FOCUS ON WHAT HE SAYS; learn to focus instead on what he DOES.
Big difference, and I'm not saying everything he's doing is positive right now either. But it's a very common mistake for LBSs to focus on what their running-away spouse is SAYING, when it's usually just so much fogbabble. A simple example would be wayward spouses who keep shouting "I want a divorce!" or "I'm going to file for divorce!" but then they never do.
The saying around here is "Don't believe anything they tell you, and only half of what they do." There's a lot of truth in that.
So the old saying - actions speak louder than words?
I love your term "fogbabble." I'll try to remind myself of this "Don't believe anything they tell you, and only half of what they do" when he speaks fogbabble.
I know you're right because I really don't see him taking his focus away from blaming me for everything or even trying to improve life for himself. He pretty much just lays around and watches TV when he's at home. None of the house projects are getting completed!
When he goes to the lake for the weekends he supposedly does a lot of "thinking" which I really think he just does a lot of rehashing of everything and justifying for himself. I don't think he really gets out and does any fishing or anything enjoyable.
For all of his talk about wanting to be happy and have a happy last third of his life, he's sure not doing anything about it.
I do feel good about the changes I'm making and I feel like I'm on the right course for myself. My friend told me today that she would of had a hard time telling him dinner was ready - she'd just let him fend for himself. But, that's not the kind of person I want to be. I don't want to get sucked into his angry, bitter world. It's not a place I care to live!
Good counseling session today for me. Recognized that I've probably fallen into some co-dependencies with my H.
Got a lot done in a couple of hours this afternoon - bought some supplies we need for our place at the lake, got an oil change, gassed up the car, packed, doing some laundry, working on cleaning up the bedroom. Oh yeah - and put a roast on for dinner.
My H got home about 20-25 minutes ago. I was in the office on the computer (right by the front door). Asked me what I was doing home told I had an appt and ran errands. He changed clothes I guess and immediately went downstairs. So that may be the extent of our conversation (besides me going downstairs to tell him when dinner is ready) before my son and I leave tomorrow night.
Who knows??? I have no clue where he's at. At this point it's not consuming me anymore and I think I can finally say I'm back to the strong person I used to be. I have a great network of friends who love and support me. I am certainly blessed!
I'll be checking in next week while we're at the lake. I'm no longer worried about breaking down and calling him. All negative thoughts about what he might be doing while I'm gone are no longer on my mind. He's going to do what he's going to do. I really am just looking forward to the break.
Just bookmark that post, and come back and re-read it when you have to. Because you WILL have good days and bad days, but everything you've said there is true.
Your husband does not define who YOU are. M25 is her own woman, with her own interests and her own personality, and you are a WOMAN OF CHARACTER.
He should be kissing your a$$ just to have you. A roast???
Puppy you just made my day! Took a quiz on Facebook: What crayon color are you? quiz and got the result: Lemon Yellow..
Lemon Yellow: You are Lemon Yellow! Way to get noticed! You are bright and cheerful. You are the one person everyone wants at their party to truly make it a success. People see you as happy and very fun to be around. You make others happy when you smile and say Hi! You always try to have the best outlook on life and usually find one.
Believe it or not I actually cooked a roast (in the crockpot) didn't get until about an hour ago - we had that and baked potatoes. I'll never have my own cooking show but I do alright. :0)
My older son will appreciate it when he gets home. My H was asleep downstairs so I didn't want to deal trying to wake him up so I sent my youngest done to tell him dinner was ready. He finally came up and got some and took it downstairs. Must be having trouble sleeping downstairs. Sucks to be him!
Right now he and my youngest are playing pool downstairs - glad to see my H is actually spending some time with him.
I don't know if I told you this or not. But I went to bed with a headache last night. Later on my H came upstairs - I was out of it so I'm not sure if he walked into the bedroom but he was just standing in the doorway. I looked up but he just turned around and walked away. It was a little - no a lot weird!
We have a king-size bed and the dog and I were very comfortable. I had moved toward the middle of the bed (why should I just stay on "my side" if he's going to sleep downstairs?) So maybe he thought that was a hint.
