It'll be official as of Aug 1 - it's only "top secret" because 15% of my department was let go in order to move their positions to Mexico, and they're trying to be sensitive about it - everything will be made public at the end of the month...
It will come through in writing soon...
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
I'm getting frustrated with H again, and that makes me want to have "conversations"!
I know better, and I know I won't do it, but I know when I get home from work tonight he's going to be right out the door instead of spending time with DD *and* me.
It seems like the more time that goes by, the more distant he becomes.
I did a little too much thinking yesterday to back when things were good (in order to goal-set on another post). It made me sad. It made me want things to be like that again. It made me angry because so much of this is his fault too, after all.
It doesn't seem like, other than him saying to the MC a week ago that he would like things to work out, anything is different. It just seems to be getting worse between the two of us. Not fighting worse, just more distant.
Except that he feels like he can still ask me to do his laundry and buy him furniture.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
I did call him on my way out of work, to see where he was at with DD. "At my place."
Well, when are you bringing her home? "I thought we'd play for another couple of hours, go to the park or something."
Well, do you mind if I join you? I miss DD too after not seeing her all day. "I don't even know what park we're going to - and you'll see her all weekend and I won't be able to see her at all for three weeks."
I hate having to divide my time with my child. She is MY baby. I gave birth to her. He left!
I guess we should have some real agreement in place for visitation.
How can someone be one person for nine years and then decide to change?
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
Well, when H called about dropping off DD (I made sure I was out running errands)...
"You know, I understand that you don't get much time with her, so I understand that you wanted to have some time to yourself. I'm glad you had fun this afternoon"... He was pleased that I understood.
I chatted with his brother's girlfriend for a while on FB. He and H were supposed to go out tonight but H flaked apparently. Trying not to be suspicious about where/what/who/why. He just might be completely tapped out financially - payday is not until Friday.
BIL and GF are completely dumbfounded by this too. So there goes H's support system - they're on my side. Apparently BIL did not take the news that H was moving out well... Just sent him a FB message:
"I haven't heard from you in a while! I was chatting with GF for a bit and it seemed that you might have taken H moving out a little harder than I did
I think it will all end up as it is supposed to, whatever that might mean. Right now I am *happy* waking up every day with my daughter and putting her to bed at night, and everything in between - and just enjoying being myself for a while.
I miss my husband, but the guy who moved out last month isn't the man I married. I'm not quite sure what went wrong that broke him, but he has to fix himself (just like I did).
Don't be down on marriage yet... It's wonderful and rewarding as long as both people are willing to do the work. And have fun together
Don't be a stranger, we're still family for now ;-)"
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
And I even threw in before H left- sweetly concerned -
"Is everything OK? You seem a little off lately."
Because he is, he's a little bit shorter, and seems a bit more tense.
He replied that he is really glad that the schedule is going back to normal at his work.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
After a few days of being down because of wanting my H back...
Today I woke up happy... thinking to myself "I'm not the one who's damaged goods. I may end up a single parent with two small children, but I'm attractive, intelligent, professional, well-read, funny, sweet, kind, caring, upbeat..." The words "smile that lights up a room" have been used to describe me.
I've been pretty depressed for a couple of years, and it's been noticed by more than my H. Not necessarily by my family because they were down in it too after my brother died, but my friends noticed I wasn't the same. They are happy to see the me they remember back. My family is amazed at my strength and positive attitude.
H is a shell. H is damaged. H is broken. Anyone who finds him a catch right now (a guy who abandoned his pregnant wife & toddler? Right.) is broken too. H has to fix himself. H has to want to fix himself. There is NOTHING I can do for him. The "male" (as Dr. Laura would put it - and my H was at one time Dr. Laura approved because he stood in line at a book signing when we were dating) that comes over to play with his daughter but sneaks off so she doesn't see him leave - truly is not the man I married.
Yesterday, DD looked out the window at H's car while he was leaving, and ran from window to window to watch him drive away. H disgusts me now.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
The pain from loosing a loved one hurts. I found that making time to feel the pain and releasing the emotions helps. My brother passed 12 years ago. His birthday is in May. I made time to feel the pain and cry on his BD. That helped a lot. I have not done that in years.
Our spouses are on there own path of healing and growth. We can only control our growth.
My X calls me selfish. It is only her projection of her selfishness in breaking up the family. Feeling the feelings then forgiving her helps heal ME.
Keep working on you and remember that everything will be OK. During the difficult times is when we grow as humans. I have learned patience,forgiveness,compassion, what real giving means.......
HUGS
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Just glanced over your thread. I know what it feels like to have a H walk out on you when you are pregnant. He left when I was 6weeks prego for a woman he knew less than a month. Our daughter just turned 1 last month. H has another baby, now, that is 9 months younger than our daughter. I know how long it took me to get strong and get to a point where I didn't "care" so much about him or the sitch. It took a long, long time. I am still working through it. You sound amazing for the short amount of time you have been dealing with your sitch. I wonder if it has to do with him being gone for long periods of time in the military. Just keep doing what you are doing. You'll figure it out. Listen to those on the board when you start to feel sad or "needy" they'll help. Don't give up on yourself, ever.
Good Luck
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
He hasn't been in the military long enough to be deployed - and he's never been gone for more than three weeks at a time.
I know the stress of having to keep up a PT standard has really gotten to him, on top of a 60-70 hour work week for the past three months. That's how everything ended up crashing. He is deciding not to reenlist because everything is such a mess with our marriage right now - that if he was 100% done he'd just go ahead and reenlist and deploy with his unit next summer.
He is leaving next week for three weeks. Since I won't have to worry about him needing to come over or visit with DD, I'm wondering if I should go dark for the most part over that time. I don't know if that will affect things for the better or worse. I guess it depends on if we go to MC again between now and then (I have an appointment set up but he doesn't know if he will go or not)
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
You sound amazing for the short amount of time you have been dealing with your sitch. I wonder if it has to do with him being gone for long periods of time in the military.
Oh, I misread that... I think me being "OK" right now has more to do with how he's been treating me for the past few months, and how he was perfectly fine before that. I know now I don't deserve to be treated that way, and he has is own issues to work through, his own journey to be a good husband again.
Plus, sitting around depressed does not make me happy
If I found out that my H left me because of another woman (I have suspicions, but I'm a really paranoid person too... it's all circumstantial), I would be so done with him. The whole city would know what a scumbag he was.
I've read most of your thread too - I think you've done great I hope you're enjoying watching your little one grow!
Last edited by dmk127; 07/02/0906:33 PM.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
