OK ... today is the day I'm supposed to let my landlord know if I'm returning for another year in my apartment. W left over a year ago and my not-so-new job is 75 miles away. Moving closer to work makes more sense for me, but it feels like I'm the one giving up if I move out of what used to be "our" place.
In my head I know that isn't true, that I haven't given up. But I also know that I've stayed here this long waiting for her. I keep telling myself "I can wait her out," but why? She is the one who left. She is the one who chose to live a life without me, yet conveniently attached to someone else. In the end, I don't want to be this sad person who is just sitting here waiting for something she may or may not want to give. She's made it clear that she never wants to live in this place again. If we ever reconciled, says she, she'd want to find a new place to start over.
The move wouldn't be for her. It's not a ploy to get her to come back. It's for me to end this ridiculous commute and to have some time to play ... and do something beside working and driving. It is for me to force myself to move forward rather than just living in limbo the last year and a half.
Her stuff is here too. I'm not looking forward to the call/text that tells her "I moved out. You have two weeks to get your stuff" or something to that effect.
