Quotes found on Divorcebusting (II)

[Ready2Change]

Coach's 2009 Game Plan

After reviewing last year, where I started and where I ended up I need to plan for improvement in '09. DBing works because the work is all about you - doesn't matter how it turns out. If you need hope then know that if I can be a "success story" then you have the possibility also.
This time last year was awful. I was not at home over the holidays. We were both very frustrated and nothing improved until after I got D papers and she moved out in July. We did not have to deal with the OP issue (thank God)on either side. I have come to learn she missed me and was struggling inside like I was. Looking back I can see some signs of this but at the time the negative emotions (anger, fear, frustration) blinded me. If you think you can't go on because the heartache is killing you - it get's better and things get better in a quantum leap when the true giving begins. You can hang on one more day but take a step for the better for yourself while doing it. So here are my three resolutions (changes for the better)
1 - make it all about her
I remember reading this and the guys were debating the women whether this was healthy or productive. I struggled with this idea. But I am learning if you make it about her, it's like voting for Pedro - all of your dreams will come true. All this means is "true giving," if she needs it then it is my duty and privilege to provide it for her. Not what I need but her needs. I am not losing myself in this, I feel better than ever about me. It is healthy and productive, she is happier because she is getting the love she needs. I have no expectations in return, it's my responsibilty as her husband. Love your neighbor (spouse) as yourself.
2 - Be not afraid. Part of working on myself was "killing snakes on the brain." Thoughts that held me back or kept me from giving for fear of rejection. I have started risking more of the inner me and it is paying off. I have read it here as well: "fear knocked on the door, faith answered and no one was there." Faith - in God, my wife, and myself.
3- Continuous Improvement
Physically, mentally, emotionally and spirtually
Physical goals - workout 3xwk, run 4xwk, train for next marathon in fall
Mentally - I constantly am at work here: books, clinics, on-line info, feedback, church, friends etc.
Emotionally - listen better (this has been a great change for me that I still need to work on) , learn from feedback, let my thoughts and feelings out to my beloved, communicate in healthy ways, and don't hold onto negative thoughts or stress - get it out.
Spiritually - be grateful for my blessings, love God, keep my family engaged in prayer

Cheers
Coach

ps You can handle it.