Another one joins the flock (III)

[Mike85]

Well, inspired by updates on FB I'm seeing from various DB folks, I decided to update:

W (who I actually refer to as XW in verbal conversations) is still co-habitating with her bf. She declared personal AND corporate bankruptcy (more on that in a bit), shut down her salon, and has been working for/with her bf for months now. He has fallen off the wagon frequently and has, in fact, pretty much blown off all his AA stuff. She and he hit the local taverns on weekends when I have the kids. I guess they figure that her (almost paranoid) refusal to let him out of her sight will keep him from going on a destructive bender. I'm only monitoring it (via IL's, friends, listening to my kids) for the welfare of my kids. For now, I haven't heard anything that sounds like I need to get lawyers or social services involved.

I've been doing all the legal stuff required my our separation agreement to get disentangled from her. Putting all the utilities, etc. in my name. The refinance was an experience that was made more complicated due to her choosing to declare her bankruptcy just after I started the refinance. Found out that her strategy was to get all her debts cleared prior to my refinance so that after her assets were snagged and debts were wiped away, she'd then get a few thousand from her share of the equity in the house (if she got the $$$ prior to the bankruptcy, the courts might have taken it). Well, since the housing market went south, there WAS no equity in the house for her to share, so all her timing did was put my refinance in limbo for weeks. To add insult to injury, HSBC needed a "certificate of abandonment" to be filed by her after the bankruptcy for the refi to proceed, and she refused to pay her lawyer $250 to do it, so *I* wound up having to pay HER attorney so that I could proceed with the refinance SHE forced. Ugh.

But, now the house is completely in my name. She is off my health insurance (the kids are still on it). The courts have ruled that any and all stuff in the house is legally, 100% mine, so I've sold off a lot of her MLC purchases (e.g. gym equipment) and salon stuff in the garage to recoup $$$ she cost me and to continue the fresh start.

The legal paperwork for the separation was filed in early March, and we're proceeding to the amicable D. I see absolutely no way we will ever get back together. She has become someone I wouldn't choose to spend time with, even as an acquaintance. The decisions she's made in her life, the things she's said and done in the last year - yuck. Next March, it'll be a race to see whose lawyer will be the first to move the paperwork from the S folder to the D folder and pay the $50 county fee. She tells people that she and I are "good friends" and seems to actually believe that. OK. It makes life easier all around and is better for the kids.

The kids are handling everything spectacularly. My youngest will start kindergarten in the fall (did GREAT in the screening). My oldest is still doing great with piano (he played Steely Dan's "Do It Again" at his piano recital!) and is now into drawing. Summers off is definitely a bonus for our bonding.

My first year at the new school was positive overall, but not without serious bumps along the way. My AP kids had senioritis big time from January onward, wouldn't work, and then threw me under the bus when they didn't do as well on the AP exam as they had hoped. Their parents refused to believe that their "little darlings" were anything less than perfect and went to my bosses to complain. I kept an even keel and maintained a positive attitude with the kids (despite fearing for my job), and sonufagun, the kids went to bat for me and made it clear that they adored me. Cool. And then having ALL my sophomores pass the state bio exam (and almost half got 85 or better), things looked up. Hell, I'm being paid to go to a biotech teacher training gig next week to become an adjunct faculty at a local CC so my AP kids next year can also get college credits for a minicourse I'm doing after the AP exam. Next year is my tenure year, so I plan on kicking butt all year long, avoiding the mistakes of last year, and snagging that tenure.

Me personally? Doing good. I am "superdad" on weekends with the kids, and I hit the local scene on kidless weekends (parties, bars, seeing my friend's AWESOME band). Through therapy, I realized that my penchant for never "closing the deal" when I meet women when I go out (I live in a college town, so opportunities abound) is basically my way of realizing that I'm not ready for another person yet. I'm just enjoying hanging with energetic, vibrant folks at parties and local taverns... and then going back to my place alone after a great night of conversation and fun. If something ever "clicks," so be it. And no lectures about STD's, please .... I worked in an infectious diseases unit for 11 years. I want to get my home space and head space the way I want it before I seriously involve anyone with the complicated scene that is my life.

Sorry 'bout the novel, but it's been a while...