Hopefully your experts can help you find the best way forward on the tax stuff. It strikes me that from what I have read and heard, once the IRS gets through their head what is impossible, they are often willing to work out something that's possible. Even for them, something is better than nothing. Good luck!
If your H needs to step up, this might be a good time to push it. I'm thinking that since it really doesn't involve your R, he might not hold as much of it against you. And, if you can work together against the common enemy (our good friends at the IRS), maybe (in the little fantasy world I live in sometimes) it could help bring you together! It could happen!
Ya, this is a big one. It's funny, though. It doesn't faze me as much as it should. I've learned through this BOMB process that physical stuff just isn't that important. So, this can be fixed.
My plan is to get my homework done for the CPA, cc my H on all of it, and then sit him down and tell him exactly what I'm thinking about this stuff. Do we need to sell our house and downgrade to something simpler? No biggie. Do we need to change some lifestyle habits? No biggie. Do we need to pursue a loan? No biggie.
The only biggie is it eating away at H/us. So, let's do what we can to ease this stressor.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
You are absolutely right, and I'm on the path you hint at in your reply. (see response to Sandi) One thing I'll add is that I plan on letting him know that the only thing I won't do is bury my head in the sand in hopes that it will go away, and won't let him, either. But, he needs to take the lead on this, and I'm glad to follow, as this is his responsibility/role in our M. I'm an eager supporter of his decision to get this done and handled.
Thanks for chiming in!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
H knows I'm out w/my girlfriends last night for my birthday, and calls my cell at 8pm. I have my girlfriend answer it (they're good friends, too) and she answers "What's up, Hot Stuff? We were just talking about you. Your W was telling us what a hard worker you are..." (I could smack her, btw... but she doesn't know anything about our sitch.)
So, I'm out trying to have a good time, NOT talking about him (just a little, telling them how much he's had to be out of town, but juggling all well), and deciding if this detachment thing is going to work I need to (at least in my H's eyes) make him think I'm NOT thinking/talking about him) and he calls and she tells him we're talking about him! LOL GOD!
Well, at least she told him I was speaking positively, instead of complaining.
So, the only reason he called was to tell me some old friends of ours are coming to our 4th party, and may want to stay. Do I mind? (HAVE I EVER MINDED? I love people around!) And, what should they bring? (This afternoon we decided he would tell anyone that asks to bring side dishes for the cookout, and I'll tell everyone I tell the other things... that way we don't have to keep checking in.) So, I just tell him, "Sure, we'd both really enjoy having them around. I miss them, and am sure you do, too. You can tell them to bring a side dish, unless you have something specific in mind that you will need (drinks wise),"
Now, he didn't need to call for that. And, he knew I was out w/my girlfriends. I don't care. I enjoy the contact. I don't think he's checking up on me. He has NO reason to, in fact it's the polar opposite.
Just odd.
Wish I didn't love him so much.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I see similarities to how you have interacted with your husband in the past and how I have interacted with mine.
I too am letting him run with much of the big stuff in our relationship right now as he is currently in a zone where he is reaching for control in his life.
A suggestion on your tax stuff. Instead of telling him what you think you should be doing, why don't you ask him a) if he has thoughts on what you should do, or a plan he is working on (eg with accountants etc) to tackle it.
Then B) ask him what he would like you to do to help him?
I would only go down your path if he is totally wanting to hand it over to you. Otherwise, just a suggestion to help him take the next step in solving it himself, as in " has the accountant made any suggestions as to what we should be doing now?).
I would be reading up madly in the background, but hold back to give a chance to work through it at his pace first.
But I can't find your old threads so feel free to ignore!
I'm glad (not really GLAD) to hear I'm not the only one that's a bit pushy! I'll have to go check out your thread!
I like your suggestions on the tax stuff. The Tax Attorney is formulating our options right now. I will ask him his thoughts, and ideas on the options before spouting off my mouth!
Reading in the background. Oh, God! I can't even balance a checkbook! I automate research labs in pharmaceutical companies for a living. I will have a hard time with understanding this one!! But, I think you're right about being armed with info!
Thanks for coming over! Feel free to stay!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I can't find your thread anymore! Have you disappeared?
I saw your goals in the one thread. I LIKE!
I'm reading and praying through Power of a Praying Wife. LOVE it! I had to get through a lot of junk in my brain/heart to really receive the message in order to pray, but it's all good!
Last edited by mindblank; 07/01/0905:09 PM.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
My thread is probably buried to like page 5 or 6 t this point. I have not been posting a whole heck of a lot. Things have not really changed too much, but I did have some fun with a mindscrew with DH this week that made him pause for a bit.
Thanks for the support on the goals. I need to jump back on there and come up with some actions to go with them.
It is the first of the month, time for me to start Power of a Praying Wife over again. I am also trying to read a Proverb a day for the month, as there are 31 Proverbs.
The 4th picnic at your place sounds like fun! Have a blast, smile lots, and show your H how much fun and how spontaneous the NEW you is!
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
tell H the facts and then ASK him what his strategy would be and how you can help.
and btw, he asked those questions because it gave him a reason to call you, IMHO.
fyi, I liked your positives.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I'll have to go check out your thread!