d-day coming soon - help !

[misshim]

Ok, here I am back to work on wednesday. We went to court on Monday. H didn't have the insurance information ready for me. H blamed it on his H.R. department at work. The judge blamed him. H looked awful, worn out and stressed. I must say, I dressed up a bit, even painted my fingernails and toenails. Cleaned and polished my wedding rings. I was feeling sad and depressed but felt good on how I looked.

Bottom line, divorce held out until August 1. Then we don't have to go back, it's just a matter of paperwork. I guess then it will be final at that point. H is ticked off, but I smiled. My lawyer even squeezed a little bit of money out of him for lawyer fees.

After we left court, I texted him to remove his stuff from the house. He came over with a list, and removed everything that was his. (took him 1 hour) He started telling me how much his body hurt and stomache pains and now he thought he was getting strep throat. I just said I hope you feel better soon.

We didn't fight. I felt strange, like a major load was off my shoulders. Last friday night he was back to the way he was in the beginning. Hasn't loved me since 2004, I said but that was when our D4 was born. He said, yea that's why I don't love you, it's about time you catch on. I was angry but I told him, I'm sorry you feel that way and I asked him to leave. He left, I cried. Our D4 said, daddy doesn't like me anymore and I hugged her and kissed her and said daddy will love you forever he's just confused right now. argh !!!!

I'm just going to wait and see and go back to DB ing. We'll see what happens. I'm still writing in my journal for my sanity.

Even my lawyer said, that my H is very confused on life and he will probably grow up and try to come back. I sure hope so but I have to keep my wits.

Even though it's not over yet, I'm alot more relaxed and haven't cried since last friday. Yea for me !!!

D4 and I are keeping busy, we have newborn kittens in our window well and we've been nursing them back to health, which keeps us occupied. H will be getting D4 from daycare and bringing her home 2 hours later tonight. I have started to meet him in the driveway and it's much nicer that way. My D4 calls him the bus driver (he drives a large van) as we are waiting for him to pull in, or when he drops her off she says bye to the "bus driver". H left his family, so let him be the "bus driver" in our D4's eyes.

D4 did notice his dresser gone, she just said daddy's clothes are gone. I said, yes we needed more room for all of your toys. She said, that's a good idea mommy. Ha-ha, kids. I know it won't always be that easy but it was nice for a change.