Fire's burning out...just smoldering

[blindsided1]

Well, it's done. I mailed H the final D paperwork and I am going to the courthouse to file the last bit. My D should be final in about 10 days. I don't feel horrible. I think I'm ready to ditch the anchor. But, I still hate the word....Divorce. I hate that I am. I hate that he did this and so quickly without any fight.

My detaching has gotten better now that he only sees our daughter every other week. I don't hear from him for two weeks at a time. And, I don't contact him...for anything...unless it was an emergency or something. I am not contacting him to make sure he is picking her up on Friday or when he will. He can come to me. I have made more than enough accomodations.

There are sooo many things that will always hurt me about this sitch. The way he acted and treated me...especially when I was pregnant and right after I gave birth. I hate him for leaving me to take care of it all...myself...the baby...everything with NO help from him. And, then to watch him be there for OW and her baby and see how much he is involved in his sons life....

I am finding it very hard to forgive those things.

Part of me want to write him a letter telling him exactly how I feel. But, the other part of me knows it wouldn't make a difference to him. So, maybe I'll write the letter to get it out of my system....and then burn it.