First Piecing Thread

[Dr LOve]

you think your confused....

me too, what I was trying to say is that in the past everytime I tried to make "my stand" I ended up taking10 steps back in the relationship. Now it seem we only take 2. we are getting there.
Sometimes when you force someone into something they refuse eventhough it it what they want to do just becasue you are making them make the decision.
Ok if I have not confused you more.... It's like begging for sex and they when your wife says "ok" now you don't want to do it just becasue you know the only reason she is saying yes is becasue you begged her. Thanks for the fathers day wish.. if is was not for the fact that I do have a son I would not be workingso hard here.

[kat727]

Happy Father's Day!!

kat

[fightingirish]

Happy Father's day hope!

[Hope4us]

Thanks for the comments guys. Especially the Fathers Day ones! Made my day. But get this, W actually wished me a Happy Fathers Day! No card or anything, but she did give me the wish first thing Sunday morning and then mentioned it again when we were out for dinner yesterday evening.

I hear what you're saying Pup. And I hear ya WDID. Dr., I've been following along on your sitch, but don't really have anything to add that others haven't.

I've calmed down now. Weekend was good. She didn't bring up my note, but it definitely had an affect on her because she was even better than she's been.

So....what to do? Time to confront like Pup suggests? Give her more time and talk like WDID suggests? Or something else?

Here's what I think I'm going to do.

W continues to say the right things (except for that elusive 'I love you'). And not in a calculated way. Just off hand comments during conversations that tell me she's planning on staying. So what does that tell me? Tells me that it could be a number of things that are holding her back. Could be continued contact with OM, in a 'how's it going' way. Could be her pride/ego with me. Could be pride/ego with EGF.

Whatever it is, I truly feel like she's figuring it out and will get there on her own time frame. Obviously not as fast as I'd like, but she will. Maybe this is God's way of teaching me patience, because he knows I was the most impatient person alive prior to this, and he's not done teaching me that lesson yet.

Anyway....lets say I confront now, just when she's figuring this out on her own and she breaks down and admits everything and and and....but it's not on her terms. But if she IS figuring it out and gets defensive because I've pushed. What then? I don't really have many options this minute. Can't separate without taking a bath on the house and disrupting S17's senior year in H.S. Company isn't transferring people due to the economy. Not a good option.

So if she's figuring it out on her own and I give her more time, isn't it better for US in the long run? Lets say I confront that I suspect she is still talking to OM and she isn't, but it's the other things that could be holding her back?

W moves out of 'their' building in a week and a half. I'm going to see if there's a change in her then. EGF is getting married this weekend and I don't suspect she'll stay working there much longer because the new victim lives another 1/2 hour further away from work and she's already talking about finding a new job closer to (new) home. W and I are going away for the weekend this weekend. First week of August, family vacation to Myrtle Beach. First week of Nov, W and I are going to Disney again.

Thing is, I think W knows what's holding her back and is dealing with it in her own way. Whether it's contact with OM or her pride/ego/guilt, who knows. But if she's dealing with it, which I see, then it's best in the long run, for us, for her to deal with it rather than me pushing her.

And come winter time, if we're still where we are, then S17 will be half way through his senior year and I'll make my decisions then.

Go ahead Pup, let me have it. But I know my W. And trust me, IF we're going to make it, she HAS to figure this out and deal with it her own way. Me pushing is the WRONG way, I think. And come winter, if we're still in the same spot, I'll be ready to move on, S17 will be in a better place, work will be in a better place and I'll be ready to go.

Oh, and one more thing that makes me think W is figuring it out. Friday night we were talking and she made a comment that EGF wants her to fly to Montana for her wedding this weekend. W told EGF, "I'm old enough to be your mother, it's not like I'm the maid of honor or something". Ah...EGF isn't what she used to be. Guess my not attacking her was the right move there.

Ok, I know this is rambling so go a head and ask if something doesn't make sense.

Thanks for listening.

[Hope4us]

Hey everyone. Haven't posted for a week so I thought I'd update. Work has been crazy busy and this is the first time I've had a chance to look at the board since last Monday.

Seems like we're making some real progress. W has been more and more engaged.

We spent the weekend on an island in Lake Erie. Saw some awesome bands, enjoyed the water, the boats and relaxing.

Lets see....EGF came up in conversation a number of times and W is figuring her out. W even made a comment that she wondered why EGF was getting married (last Sat) when she's a person that needs so much alone time. I said "could be why her first 2 marriages only lasted a year". W said something about her first two H's not being right for her and she married them for the wrong reasons, etc. I said "don't you think she felt the same way about the first 2 H's at the time as she does about H #3"? And W said "yes".

Many times over the weekend W and I had conversations about the future. We discussed when we retire selling our house and getting a condo here and one in Florida (Hi Pup!) for the winters. Discussed a number of other long range plans. W called me 'dear' and 'baby' a couple times over the weekend.

And now the good part. One of the evenings we were watching this band and they were covering Bon Jovi's 'Livin on a prayer'. When they came to the line about 'we're half way there' and 'we'll make it I swear', W grabbed my leg, pulled me close and gave me the hottest kiss I've had in a long time. And we ML both Fri and Sat nights. And not to get too graphic, but it was W's monthly fun time, so we had to get pretty inventive!

Since we've got back, W hasn't slipped back to the normal pattern. Still very engaged at home, talking and laughing and joking and some intimacy. No ML, but that's ok. Some hugs, some hand holding, some kisses. Man I've missed that affection.

Ok, don't want to cut it short, but I need to get home. Gotta enjoy this while it's happening!

Still no 'I love you's' or wedding rings on, but we're getting there. (this is for you Pup), but there's still something holding her back from totally opening up to me. But we're getting there.

See ya.

[fightingirish]

Im glad to hear it!

[JAK58]

Nice to hear the positives Hope.

I see you live in Ohio. H and I are traveling there to Cambridge and Millersburg next Monday. Just sight seeing and H wants to check out his hunting land to see how many deer are wandering around. Know of any good things to see?

JAK

[Hope4us]

Hey JAK, You're getting in my neck of the woods. Cambridge and Millersburg are both about 45 minutes from me.

And deer, lots of deer. My county (just east of Mburg and just N of Cambridge) has the highest deer kill during hunting season of any county in Ohio. It's crazy how many deer are around here.

Good things to see? Depends what you're interested in. W and enjoy spending time running around the Amish area's in Holmes, Wayne and Tuscarawas counties. I think Millersburg is in Holmes County. Lots of winery's around the area, which is fun. Lots of Amish furniture stores to wander. Walnut Creek, Sugar Creek and Berlin are all full of shops, winery stuff, etc. There's a Winery called Raven's Glen on St Rt 36 just a few miles west of I-77 that has tours, wine tasting and a nice restaurant. And they make some pretty decent wine. October White is our favorite.

If you're into nature things (sounds like you may be), there's a number of pretty nice State Parks/Nature areas around. Salt Fork and "The Wilds" are both pretty cool. They're both not too far north of Cambridge. There's a place on St Rt 250 not too far from Millersburg called the "Nature Center" that is kind of neat.

If you're football fans, the Pro Football Hall of Fame is in Canton which is only about 45 minutes from Millersburg.

I'm sure I can come up with more if that's not enough to keep you busy.

[JAK58]

WOW Hope,

You do have a lot of things to see, and are so close to the area.
I just heard about the Amish in Berlin. I like to visit the village shops also. Went to Lancaster PA. a couple years ago and visited Cabela's and the Amish village. Plan on doing Cabela's in W. Va on the way back home. Heard it's a lot smaller though than the one in PA.

I love the thought of the winery, H hates wine so if they have beer...

H's land that he hunts is in Coshockton (sp) and he is hoping to see a lot of deer(with huge racks). He did see about the highest harvest rate so he's all excited. He will be bow hunting.

The nature center sounds good and so does the football hall of fame.

Thanks for the tour. Appreciated. Let me know if you think of something that is a need to see, beside what you have already givin me.

JAK

[whatdidido]

How's it going?