H just moved out, 13 months post-bomb

[Dawn of Hope]

AAL, thanks for posting to me again! And thanks for the compliments!

H was always the musician in our household, and there have been lots of musical friends around (he's into community theatre, especially musicals). I play the piano, but don't like to perform or sing.

I will keep an eye out for writing-related groups; that is a good idea. I'm also going to bite the bullet and tell my friend that certain topics are off-limits for discussion.

I don't have a clue if H actually has medical insurance or not. He didn't really imply either way, but even if he had, I no longer trust him to tell me the truth even about the color of the sky. I suspect that he does have insurance, because I think if he didn't he would have said so to point out that I have no right to be upset with him for not putting me on. But who really knows??

You are the second person in 24 hours to suggest that I find an outside job. (H has been agitating for it off and on for years, especially when money has been tight...one of his big complaints has been my lack of financial contribution to the household.) I don't know if I should take that as a divine push to get a job or an indication that I need to be more serious about making money from my business. I have been listening to a lot of free teleseminars lately on business and prosperity and law of attraction and such. Now I need to put the rubber to the road. I am hoping I can work those things to the point that I don't need his income, and then some. I have no idea whether my state (Missouri) has alimony; no lawyers have been involved in my sitch (at least, as far as I know).

I am normally a very dedicated exerciser. I lift heavy weights, I bike a lot (20 miles is a minimum length for a day), I walk, I swim (if I don't get in at least a mile, it seems hardly worth getting in the pool)...but I have slacked off a lot in the last few weeks. I especially like walking and biking, but I always used to do those with my H, so I have had some trouble continuing (because of the emotional factors) since he stopped doing those things with me. And I've been tearing my hair out over the pool liner, so obviously I'm not swimming. I need to get back to my exercise.

I am turning 43 today, and I can't quite figure out what to do with myself for the occasion. I find myself moderately disturbed at the thought that I may be spending my birthday completely alone, for the first time in my life. I have the ingredients for homemade ice cream, a favorite that I haven't made since before the bomb, so maybe that will be what I do. But if I eat it all alone...what does that say about me? I'm told that one of the things that always happened on my birthdays when I was very young was that my father would come home from work that day and make ice cream for me (and for whoever was around to celebrate). I'm told that he was an especially good ice-cream maker. He died suddenly when I was seven years old, and my mother took over the ice-cream-making duties (and everything else) from that point on.

Thanks for all your kind and supportive comments! I welcome further comments...from anyone!

Peace,
Dawn