So, 24 hours after I email my wife about my cousin's passing, she calls this morning. I didn't answer, so vm was "I'm sorry to hear about Cousin. Just wanted to tell you that." Fine. Several hours later an email: How's CousinW? How old was Cousin, again? Are you going to wake today/tonight? Going to funeral tomorrow? I email replies to each ques. Nothing more.
Two hours later, another VM: "Hi, Gardener? It's me, W. (why is the ol' "hi, it's me," no good anymore?) I should see CousinW. Always liked her. She must be so upset. So if you want me to go with you*, please let me know)" * This is her way of asking for anything ("Do you want to take the garbage out?", "Do you want to go buy eggs for me?"). It has been the source of humor, endearment, confusion, and frustration at different times over the years.
I call her back: "Hi, W, it's me. i got your message and if you want to go tonight and if you want to console CousinW, then I'd love to have your company". We make arrangements. I add, "One condition: no R, M, S, D, Us, or The Past talk. Let's just do this. Tonight. Together." Fine. And so, for a new seven-month record-breaking 3 1/2 hours(breaking last week's all-time record of one whole hour), we were...together. I was cheerful. Dressed to the nines/new - and different style - clothes. Glad to be with her. Small talk. I talked less. Idle chatter. Sons/daughter/grandchildren talk. No Us talk. Not really any Me talk or questions on either side, either, but that's okay. Gave her cheap, but lovable $1.09 cute gift she likes that I picked up in Adirondacks this weekend.
My first goal this past month was W will want to/ask to spend time together. Last week she wanted to for an hour. This week , via her escalating/roundabout VM-email-VM (to which I didn't bite, didn't ask her to come), she asked to spend time with me.
Baby steps. Small movement. Right direction. Apparently sincere.
Happy Gardener. Happy, happy Gardener.
Next, I will ask her to come to Fireworks with me this weekend We-especially she- love fireworks (both kinds)
Good night. Goodnight.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I should see CousinW. Always liked her. She must be so upset. So 
i got your message and if you want to go tonight and if you want to console CousinW, then I'd love to have your company". We make arrangements. I add, "One condition: no R, M, S, D, Us, or The Past talk. Let's just do this. Tonight. Together."
