Anyway, he then begged to just stay over the night and he would sleep in the basement and I agreed. I turned in and then he came upstairs shortly after and begged to just sleep next to me no hanky panky. And I agreed, why - I'm a total sucker. But I did not sleep well with him next to me at all to be honest. Then this morning one thing led to another and I truly feel awful about. I really want to escape this madness but human beings are def sexual creatures for sure.
THEN WHY DO YOU CONTINUE TO PUT YOURSELF IN THESE SITUATIONS???
O good lord, Vicky, every time you make progress, he suckers you back in. Can you see what it is you were doing that was causing him to make a move back toward you?? Yet every time he does, you JUMP at the very first chance.
Pup, I know. I feel like I'm a total sucker. I sincerely don't want to be suckered anymore. I've been trying to break free completely from this whole crap and now I just don't know but I'm trying to take it one day at a time. Here's an update below.
First, mdoodles, to be honest, me too. I'm amazed at these anonymous text messages. I have no clue how she does it - ow is really gooooood. When I get the texts it says nothing, no phone # no name. The place for a name or number is blank - not even unknow or private. So I have no clue how she does it. the girl is working on her crazy- it she keeps at it she might get a degree out of it. lmao Now about the new guy, don't know what's up. He went out of town, called to let me know but haven't heard from him in a while. I'm getting the feeling that maybe "he's just not that into you." Don't know. I thought we had a good vibe though but I'm thinking my life is complicated and maybe his is too. So I'm trying to lay low, not stress about it and play cool. But I think he is a really cool guy though. But I don't want H to know any of this. Let him keep thinking all is wonderful.
Anyway, so update... so after work yesterday I did some walking and then went by my sister and my friend. H kept calling my phone and texting to find out if I'm on my way home. I wasn't answering him at all until about close to 10pm figured he was trying to come back again. I called him back as I was driving home and he said what if he comes back tonight. i said no I'm tired and going to shower up catch my bed. Then he tells me he never left - I had left him there and went to work since he was tired and weas off from work. He was suppose to lock up and leave. H stayed there the whole day yesterday. He had asked me if I ate dinner, which I did at my sister but he thinks I went out to eat. I got home and the man was cooking dinner. He never cooks but apprently was cooking since he left. There he was acting like he never left - but I wasn't- I'm not trying to go back to square one. I was peerplexed like what the heck, I'm not ready for this man to move back here with me just like that. But I had decided though that I wasn't going to fuss last night - I would do the Tao and practice doing nothing. I showered up we chatted. He mentioned that he going to leave after he finished cooking and I knwo I probably should have kicked him out but it felt too cruel so I told him he could sleep in the basement. It was perfect that I left him cook and went to bed. But before I went to bed, he made me stopped and he professed that look he really wants his marriage back and he knows he has made some terrible mistakes and he's going to go talk to the pastor but this is not like the last times. I was a bit distanced and told him that I just don't know but I hear him but I know there's really nothing that he can say right now that only time can fix this and prove it. Even earlier the evening when he talked about how he's depressed - H didn't eat the entire day, he starved himself when he's stressed, I told him that I know it will be hard for him to break up with ow - I was thinking about the withdrawal. He said know its hard losing me and he knows what he needs to do. I'm here just trying to keep my cool though. I don't want to go back down the same road of the yoyo so I'm keeping my reservations but keeping cool. We have tons we would need to work out.
Anywa, so I said nothing to H about the text message I got and I am very happy about it. I mean I am going to starve this woman from my attention. She has gotten too much of my happiness, time and energy. This morning I got a blocked call with no answer so I know its her. I'm sure there will be tons more. But I'm going to try to stick with my new plan and say nothing to H as yet. If we decide to give this a try then we will address it. But I know if I go to him he will go to her about it and she will then know that I'm being bothered and troubled by it and I don't want to give her that satisfaction. And especially since it's just not troubling me at all. So will keep you guys posted.
i tried the high road too, in that i didnt respond to her, but i did tell him about it.
maybe u are right, dont tell him either, that way she freaks when she gets zero reaction. i like it.
keep us posted, make sure if u decide to consider working things out again that it is what u want to do, remember, just last week u were done with him...
i know its so hard, im in it with u. u waited for him to be serious, maybe he is.
make sure u set the necessary boundaries and be firm with them, that they are deal breakers. let him know right away what they are, and that u are at zero-tolerance, if u choose to work things out.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Hi mdoodles, yesssssss just last week I was through with this crap. I'm exhausted. Its been too much so I'm not sure about going back into this. He has yoyo'ed on me several times and I can't help but to feel like you walked out on so much so many of our plans that how can I really trust your word again. With that said, I'm trying to take one day at a time. He is insisting that this time he has made a promise not just to me but to God. To say the least, I'm holding my reservations. I mean I do and probably will always love him but I was getting my mind wrapped around pretty comfortably that their is no hope and that its for the best and I should move on and good will come to me. So this is all new developments and I'm still strongly unsure. But I'm wise enough to know that there really is nothing that can give me certainty right now other than time. I'm reading the book Change your Thoughts, Change your Life and I'm trying to employ the techniques of letting life unfold. So don't know what the future holds for me.
Yes, if we do go forward its absolutely zero tolerance. I've exercised enough tolerance with this. Enough is enough. And I know from experience that boundaries are absolutely necessary. H was running the show all the other times, its time for me to put things in the right perspective.
About not tellng him about the harrassment, I feel like I've done it all. Whenver OW would bug me I would go to H to tell him to let her leave me alone. And guess what it didn't stop her. Now I'm thinking that I will just ignore her calls but then I realized that if I tell him he will go to her and she will know where I stand and then she just will not stop. So better left unsaid for now. Again reading my book and thinking about my inner peace. I just don't want to give this girl any bit of my peace. Unless she attacks me again, I'm feeling like there is really nothing she can do to frazzle me. I know my H's wrongdoings she doesn't need to fill me in. But that said if H and I decide to give it a go, don't know, then I will bring it up to him and demand that he puts a stop to it in front of my presense. But again I don't even think she will - I think only consistent no response will stop her. Will keep you posted.
Vicky, I think youre 100% right about dealing with the OW. I think she wants to just get any kind of reaction or rise out of you, so not giving her that is very cool. I think you are stronger than you even realize... Karen
i still want to know how she sends a private/unknown text lol.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
mdoodles - me toooooo!!!! I gotta admit, its pretty cool that she knows this. I get these texts from cyberspace - messages from the Gods of the cyberworld (aka ow or "ow's friend"). Too funny. Maybe one day when she does her block calls with no answer I will say, "ow, I just have one thing to say to you - ok, please you gotta tell me, how do you send those text- fill me in." lol
check my thread, see what the psycho in my situation is pulling with the phone...
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
OMG, is it a sign that all day today the thought of getting back with my H is scaring the heck out of me. Today I went to lunch with some co-workers, two of which are pregnant. We were talking about their expected deliveries names etc and internally I was fuming at my H. I'm pissed that he has put me in this position where the thought of even having my own family seems so distant. Urrrrrrrgggg!!! I'm even getting butterflies in my stomach all day today of just the thought of H and I getting back together - I really don't know if I want to. I'm terrified of him in a way - can make myself vulnerable again to him to let him hurt me like this again. I'm scared of putting myself back into this situation.
To be honest I think I'm just projecting all my feelings onto H today. I'm even slightly upset that my new friend has not been calling me- I guess a quick end before a beginning. I know its wrong but I'm mad at H that I'm even put in this situation to have to look for someone else to start my life over with and to face rejection again. Ahhhh man. I think sometimes its so much better to be single but so lonely too.
Ok, don't know if anti DB or not, but I texted H and told him about how scared I am of us getting back together. I put it in context to how he said he was scared to love me after we had a 3 mth break up 13 years ago. Anyway, he called me after to talk about my feelings (to be honest H has been making really good efforts lately). He said he understands and its because of how he handled things poorly. And its all his fault that I feel this way. He promised that he doesn't want to hurt me like that again. And said that if he does hurt me liek that again he would just kill himself. He even said that's why I need to take my time and take it slow. I even started to cry a little when he said that he heard me the other night when I said that I need a man that's going to protect me and he wants to protect me and not to hurt me again. Is this for real, has my H really awoken. I haven't heard him say these things in a long time. He even said that he knows we can get through this.
So I gave him the ok that since he has moved, I'm now willing to go out with him on dates to have some fun like new R. He's been asking for this. So will see. We said we will take it slow. I promised that I will bring new R mentality and just have fun together. He tried to tell me about somethign he took care of with respect to OW today but I told him that I'm new R, and you don't really tell new R about your baggage so handle your business. So we'll see.
Now about the new guy, don't know what's up. He went out of town, called to let me know but haven't heard from him in a while. I'm getting the feeling that maybe "he's just not that into you." Don't know. I thought we had a good vibe though but I'm thinking my life is complicated and maybe his is too. So I'm trying to lay low, not stress about it and play cool. But I think he is a really cool guy though. But I don't want H to know any of this. Let him keep thinking all is wonderful.