Another Waw

[Refuse to quit]

Thanks whereami, I really appreciate it. I feel sometimes like the ones who are pulling for this to work are fewer than those that want to see it happen. Her family has completely shut me out. I am surprised they did this in a way. But in another way they did it to another Son in law about 3 to 4 years ago. I am not giving up. Just hate the rollercoaster ride and feel like it will get worse before it gets better. I think she will show more times of having the wall up and down as she starts to let me back in. I feel like we are in the no conflict to friendship stage. I thought about it all day today and think I just need to keep things on the kids or something other than us for now. I feel like that might help things progress to where we can talk about us.
RTQ

[Refuse to quit]

Well for an update. I called the wife today and ended up talking to her for about 40 minutes. Kept the whole conversation on the kids and things of that nature and it went pretty well. I had to call her because her lawyer is requesting all sorts of documents from me that she has so I asked her if she would get them to me to give to her lawyer. Really silly I know but I am not the one asking. It was good hearing her laugh as I told her about the things I did with the kids on Sat. I really hope that she misses not being there with us and feel like deep down she probably does. I have thought a lot the past two days here that I probably need to keep things more on a different note (the kids, etc.) and try to build the friendship up for a while. It is a lot more non confrontational that way I think for her. We will see what happens........
RTQ

[Kittyfish]

I'm sorry I do not see these issues as big enough to end a marriage over. Is there more you're not telling us??

If she didn't want to divorce she wouldn't be moving forward in the process.

I think she's trying to keep you on the hook in case she doesn't find someone else. And, just so you know? I'm a former WAW.

[Refuse to quit]

She was upset with me not spending enough time with her and the kids. She told me the other day that she was so lonely for so long. She had left back in Sept 08 for about two weeks and when she came back we started to go to counseling. We were making progress but working basically on communication with each other. That was what I had thought the problem was. So when she left again in April myself, family, the counselor and just about everyone else I talked to were in complete shock. I am sure as of this point there is not someone else in the picture. For either of us. Never has been as far as I know. I admit that we could have spent more time together and wish now we could have. But I am not trying to dwell on the past only looking for the future. Every time I take the kids out now I make a point to invite her to go. I pray that one day she will go with us. I wish I had known it was such a big issue for her. We used to spend a lot of time together before we had kids. Going out, movies, dinner, etc. That all really tapered off with kids. I feel like that is something we both could have been better at but feel like I should have taken more opportunities to do so. I agree with you that these issues are not big enough to end a marriage over but that is what I am dealing with. In court paperwork she wrote that I was either working or away from the kids at home doing yard work etc. I know its not true. There were tons of things we did together but obviously not enough.
RTQ

[givingitmyall]

RTQ,

Sounds real familiar. Hang in there.

[Refuse to quit]

Same situation for you?

[Refuse to quit]

Not much has happened since yesterday. At least I do get to seen the kids today and wife for the brief exchange. I know I need to try and stay focused on just being there for her and being her friend. I need to not talk about the R and find other topics to talk about. I have invited her to things here and there with either myself and the kids and she tells me "I'll think about it." I know that if we could spend some time together it would make things progress a bit quicker. Or so I think. She seems to really appreciate the little things I do for her here and there when we exchange the kids. I feel like I need to keep it up. I know many would say that I am chasing her. But like I have said before she did not take to well to the whole going dark thing. I know I just need to be happy and upbeat with her. I know it is a case by case question but I wish I had some idea how long it would take before she started seeing the changes as real and not an act. Her birthday is comming up next month and I need to think of how to handle the situation. I know she wants me to do something for her. She has not said it nor would she ever but I know she does. Need to do something to show her I care without going overboard. Such a fine line. Thanks for listening.
RTQ

[LitlHopeAlwys]

She had a book in her car that she was reading when we pulled up, I think it was Parenting after Divorce. I backslid a bit and asked her why she was reading that and she did not answer. My son said to her when she was pulling him out of the car "Mom I don't want to go to nanna and poppa's house lets go to our house." I did not answer I wanted her to answer him. She just told him I know.

I know how you felt with that. There's has been numerous times when I have brought S3 to W and as soon as he realized the roads would start crying and saying he doesn't want to go to Nana's. Also know that disheartening feeling - when W and I were communicating a little she told me she was lying in bed reading a book about divorce(don't remember exact title), and there I was at home reading men are from mars, women from venus.

IMO-I'm just new at DB'ing, but it seems like you are doing what you need to do - different things work for different people.
Hang in there RTQ, I wish you the best of luck and will keep you in my prayers.

[Refuse to quit]

Thanks LitlHope,
It seems like the longer this goes on the harder it is. She just called me here at work. Wanted to ask about the kids hospital checkups as they are comming up at a time when I am supposed to have them. She wanted to know if she should reschedule. I told her no and that I would love to go with the kids and that I thought it was important to be there as rescheduling would be another 2 months away. I told her we could even all go together if she wanted. I stayed really focused and only talked about the kids the whole time. I was proud of myself. I will see her in about an hour here when we do the exchange. I hope all goes well. I will post an update tomorrow. Thanks all RTQ

[Refuse to quit]

Well things went good yesterday. I took the wife her favorite candy when we exchanged the kids. I had it in my car under some of the kids clothes and she went and grabbed the clothes and saw the candy underneath and got the biggest smile on her face. I told her it was not for me and that I had done it for her to let her know I was thinking of her. She smiled at me, winked and said thank you. I kept the whole conversation on the kids even though I wanted to talk about the R. I didn't. I was so proud of myself. When dropping them back off to her, I could tell she had gotten her hair done and told her it looked really nice. I thought it was odd that she kept smiling at me so I did the same to her. I backslid a tad and asked her why she got her hair done. She said it was because she wanted to and that it had been a long time. I asked her "you did not do it to look nice for me?" She said "no." I said "not even a little bit?" She said "no." Oh well. I shouldn't have asked. But still kept things positive and after when she was leaving I made a point to open the car door for her. She seemed to really appreciate that as well. She told me "I don't know if I trust you." She said this on her own without me saying anything. I said "what do you mean?" She said "I see you do things that I really appreciate but am not sure if you are doing them for me or if it is just to get me back?" I told her time would tell. Any ways it all seemed pretty positive. I know that this would be viewed as chasing as I have said before, but it seems to be getting to her so I would not say that it is a "cheeseless tunnel." I will keep it up (the small things here and there to let her know I am thinking of her) it seems to be working a bit. I used to do this stuff a lot when we were dating years ago. Any suggestions?
RTQ