I hate that I can't sleep. My head gets full of thoughts swarming and buzzing around like a cloud of angry wasps. Sometimes my thoughts sting me. Memories of this past year mingled with fears desires and expectations from past, present and future. I feel so lonely again; left behind. My whole soul was dedicated to loving you. I need to drive the swarm away, remove their stingers and sooth my swollen flesh with cool water.
My breath always has the slight hint of the flavor of tears and mucousy saliva , the taste in your mouth after you sob for hours and you are starting to feel better, you know the taste I mean. I know you have cried too.
Everything in life now seems surreal, slowed down but too fast. I feel like I have lost so many words into the vacuum of space, precious words that were hard to find deep in my mind. I searched for these words to explain to you the breadth and depth of my love for you but when I gave these words to you they evaporated before they touched your heart.
What makes you think of me now? I agonized for months writhing in pain at night physically ill unable to move forward picturing someone else making you smile.
Where are you now woman? In some strange land with strange customs and bugs and floods, too much heat for you to breath. You are alone there, this life you live where you trudge forward leaving the carcasses of your dead worshipers along the road to your very own palace in the sky. Who will be your companion, will he be a king, a consort or maybe a fool?
Do you know how to work as hard for love as you do for gold?
