What a funny scenario, mishka, was the look on her face "priceless"?
Yep, I agree, stop defending your H. Quite hard to do, as we all know, but mishka's right. Seems like your F&F are holding your H's feet to the fire = their problem.
Let's see, having someone help me pack or actually help me move .... which would I choose..... hhhmmmm, that's a tough decision. Ok, I'm being sarcastic here!
So how did your weekend turn out?
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
I had an interesting weekend. Some highs and lows!
On Friday night I went round to my parents house and my Mum and I went out for supplies for my sisters party. The big downside was that we ended up having a huge argument about h. Mainly because I asked my Mum if she could treat him politely when he comes round and let there be no atmosphere. She went off at one at me and suffices to say we both got pretty upset. The learning is that my Mum is a great help practically but emotionally she doesn't understand what is going on with me. My Dad takes a different tack in that he doesn't understand but doesn't need to know to support me. He will just do as I wish. It's a difficult one!
Anyway, my sister's hen night was a great success. We hired steel pans and did a drumming workshop in the afternoon and then went out for a gorgeous meal then drunken karaoke and then even drunker nightclub. Needless to say I spent Sunday in bed suffering
Today it is my birthday and I have had a lovely time so far. My chairman took me out for lunch and the secretaries at work bought me some sweet little gifts. It's funny that I have a large collection of cat-based cards this year, I am spotting a theme. Tonight I am off to see Jersey Boys with my Mum which I am feeling slightly anxious about but she is pretending nothing happen so hopefully that vein will continue!
I guess on an h update, he sent me card which he texted me to say would be a little late and sent me a nice text today saying he had bought me a little present for the next time he sees me.
On Wednesday I am going on my first internet date! I’m nervous, I don’t know what to do… it is new for me to internet date but I guess if you don’t try you don’t get. Jeff, if your reading and have any hints I’m all ears after your recent success!
Hey Julia.. Happy Birthday !!!!! Things with Mums always blow over hey, so I hope you have a good night out with her.
As for what she said.. have you read any of Passionate Marriage and about being a better differentiated adult? Its got some stuff there to do with family.. in that, you can differentiate yourself and not get drawn into arguments if they express a different opinion. Could you acknowledge its hard for her to understand and to be accepting? And not get upset and angry back? But just say, you respect her right to an opinion, but could she respect your wish to continue friendly relations with H and you would appreciate her at least supporting you in that? I even rang my Dad up specifically before me and bf got back together to say, I know you are hurt and angry at what he did and I am asking alot of you Dad, I am asking you to be very accepting and forgiving of whats gone on, but if you love me, that would be more of a help to me than getting mad at him.
???
Wow for the internet dating ! I bet you will be a big hit
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Your mom is reacting in a protective manner toward you. It's hard for her to understand why you would want to be forgiving of your H. I'm not sure how you counteract that, but at least your dad is supportive.
WOW! An internet date on Wednesday! Good luck! I met that one man for coffee and it wasn't as scary as I thought it might be. Where are you meeting?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I'm proud of you for going on an internet date--that is really brave!! I have never done it so I don't have any advice except I hear the thing to do is just meet for a drink or coffee so if it's super awkward it's easier to escape. and then you can always extend it to something longer if you feel like it.
I'm sure you will do awesome! Can it really be any harder than what we've been doing all along?
Happy Birthday!! Have a lovely rest of your day! Parents don't like to see their kids hurt and so she feels as if she si protecting you. Let her know that you appreciate her concern but really need her to do this for you now.
Best wishes on your date. You are so sweet, I am sure you will do fine.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
You'll have to keep me posted on the internet date. Haven't been able to bring myself to do that yet, too scary. Have to give you credit, that takes a lot of guts! Good luck!!!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Wow, that was a massive group hug! Thank you all so much for your birthday wishes. Apart from the next bit I have had a wonderful few days.
I do understand what you are all saying about my Mum thank you all for helping me to see her perspective. I do understand that she would be protective; I just wish sometimes she would understand. I could certainly have reacted better, it is just that she said some things that cut right to the core of me and because it was her saying it amplified it for me x20. Ali, what you said to your Dad was just so perfect, I will try that one next time and perhaps things will go better.
I have had a lot to mull over the past few days. It would be good for me to talk about it here as I don't think I could in real life as I am not sure what to do.
The second part of the mother argument story was that the next day I was feeling kind of sheepish because I was dreading my Dad. I thought he would tell me off for upsetting my Mum, as would happen when I was young, and he can be quite volatile and I am very sensitive so I am always a little wary.
But he came and saw me when Mum had gone out and said that he knew Mum and I had been having words last night and for me not to worry. He said that in the past few years she had undergone a personality change and had turned into a very aggressive person. He said he had just gone quiet and not said anything for an easy life. He then proceeded to give me some quite upsetting examples of my Mum's 'aggression' and some quite horrible 'observations' he had made. I didn't know what to say. I was crying a little and Dad assumed that it was because of my Mum but it was actually because of him. He shouldn't be telling me that stuff as it is not appropriate and between him and my Mum. He said it all with such contempt.
I have known things haven't been very good for a while, empty nest syndrome and all that and there is a distinct loss of respect on both sides. My Mum has GAL and my Dad has to some extent to. I have known for a while that my Dad has been telling these stories to my eldest sister and brother who have lapped it up and are both on his side because they don't look at the other side. I guess I have been staying out of it all because of all my own stuff going on but I don't really know what to do.
Should I try talking to either my Mum or Dad? I feel like I am better equipped than my eldest sister and brother because of DB etc although obviously I wouldn't mention that. I am kind of scared to because I don't like confrontation and they are my parents! But I know that if they split and I hadn't tried I would find that hard to live with.
I could whine on for a while especially about my best friend who said something that also cut to my very core last night. I was telling her about the house and how I was going on a date but wasn't looking for anything serious. She said 'yep, been there, done that, got the divorce!’ I was just so shocked; she knows what a huge deal this is and how hard I have tried. I know she said it because in actual fact she is jealous, she admitted it later that I had a date and had moved away from home. She has neither of those things but her situation is very different to mine. She makes some kind of comment like that every time we meet and I just don't know how to answer her or stop her. I would never say anything like that to her.
Sigh, on the whole though, putting those things aside I have had a lovely few days. I just want some people around me who don't load their issues onto me. No wonder I don't talk to RL people about me and H!
Sorry for the long post, I guess I have a lot on my mind and don't know how to deal with it. Any input or advice is much appreciated. Where has my quiet, peaceful life gone??
Oh, a plus in the DBing stakes. I had one of T's 'puke for joy moments' I love that!! When I got the birthday card from h and it was signed 'Hope you have a wonderful day Love H'. A small thing but a big achievement considering six months ago we weren't even barely speaking.
