K4D Rising #2

[CityGirl]

I simply would have said... "thanks for the info and I will update my phone book"

I mean, for co parenting sake its good you both have the proper and accurate contact numbers so at least let her know you now have the correct number for her.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I simply would have said... "thanks for the info and I will update my phone book"

I mean, for co parenting sake its good you both have the proper and accurate contact numbers so at least let her know you now have the correct number for her.

Yep. Wait a couple of hours, and then something short like that.

[K4D]

Just a tid bit of information about this past weekend. W said that she was glad to see me getting a life and that she had been holding off on finishing the divorce until I was in a better mental and emotional position to handle it. So it wasn't more attractive to her. It was her just trying to watch out for me before she put the final nail in the coffin so she could be with who she wanted to be with.

Kevin

[K4D]

Also, I did send W a text telling her about D7 being punched in the nose and that I called to check in on her today. I figured that is something she would want to know about her own child. I left it at that.

Kevin

[ppenton]

Kevin, I feel for you as it’s the same sort of thing my W, did to me before I found this site. She wanted to make sure I was strong and doing well before she dropped the bomb about moving out and into OM’s place. So, keep protecting your Ds and yourself and keep working on getting stronger for them.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation – who shall I fear? The Lord is my stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Also, I did send W a text telling her about D7 being punched in the nose and that I called to check in on her today. I figured that is something she would want to know about her own child. I left it at that.

Kevin

Yes, agreed.

[25yearsmlc]

None of which means it would have been better to be needier and more pathetic to make her feel so sorry for you that she'd stay m. That's NOT how this works.

She is saying "Oh good, now I feel like you won't totally fall apart in front of the kids when I file"....so it isn't as if you made a mistake by seeming to get a life. Plus this assumes what she is saying now, is the truth. For all we know, she simply figured it was cheaper to wait. I personally think that is true, but maybe both things are.

Either way, why'd she tell you? Just more of her rationalizing. If you had not pretended to have GAL or acted a little weaker instead, she'd have waited a few more weeks at most but her patience would have run out sooner I THINK, and she'd say "this is ridiculous, you are so weak of course I'm filing now!" OR, she'd have simply not filed but gone ahead and moved in with OM if she has one in mind in particular, or just moved on in her life without telling you the details.

Now she feels she doesn't have to hide everything. Whippee.

Bottom line is she has told you it IS over and she IS moving on and that is that. She is NOT behaving inconsistently with those words. Don't wait for her to file again. You are backsliding b/c just a few days ago you said YOU were going to file and be done with this.What happened to that?

She's in better shape financially right now, so she will have to pay some or all of your legal bills in the end if you file soon enough. Why did you change your mind again?

What is it you think will IMPROVE by waiting for her again? Is this the same old stuff happening again? I fear it is.

Can't you see that you are giving her all the power again and again and again? And expecting what?

Now she gets to decide when it is most convenient for HER to divorce you, (and probably NOT convenient for you) and whether you'll be served or wherever....
Kevin, I think you once said you'd refuse to waive your "right to be served" and I want to clarify something. Why not waive it? I mean, unless it's b/c you don't trust someone to actually do it -- b/c the problem is there are only two realistic options for her serving you if you insist on being served and don't waive it; she can serve you at work, which is super fun to have co-workers see and great for your career, OR serve you at home and if you have kids witnessing it....that sucks for them.

So If you know your kids are not going to be home, then I'd say get served at home with a good friend around, or right before you go to a support meeting. Something designed to support you as you get it...it will hurt even if you know it's coming.

But if you instead waived service and she lets you know when it's happening, then you are spared that moment. But now, if you think for some reason she'd tell you and yet it isn't true well -- then I'd insist on being served. Just try to control when that is. Neither of you want the kids to see it. I don't know how much control there is in your state. Sometimes the servers just go where it's convenient for THEM and not the recipient's.

Do you have any friends in the area Kevin? If not, go back to that AA meeting and let them know what is going on. Plus the other group for co-dependents sounds good too.

Reach out to real people in real life. You'll need that contact.
good luck,

j-

[25yearsmlc]

I feel bad for d7. But we've all been there. Dropping the kids off at school or camp with a bully, or after a mean girl has spread a nasty rumor....sometime you ought to watch that movie with Lindsay lohan called "Mean Girls" b/c as the father of two girls, you need to know how it can get. ROUGH...

It's tough for us to see what our kids go through. But it's life. As long as she knows YOU love her and make her feel extra safe and "popular" when you pick her up it DOES help. She has a refuge in you.

At least the creepy kid got caught. He's probably afraid of being around HER right now. (Which is not such a bad thing.) Oh - how I still detest bullies.

j-

[K4D]

I'm not backsliding 25.

I said on Friday that I had thought about filing because I had seen it work for someone else. Then I was talked out of it and pretty thought that would not work in my case.

Then this weekend my W confirmed that she is refiling and I knew it would not work. So I decided that this time I am not signing a waiver of service and I am hiring an attorney to defend me and go after my rights. I am not filing for D on W. I am DBing but preparing for probably the inevitable. I'm just not going to be pushed around or threatened this time by my W. I made the no contact rule myself for DB purposes. I will keep on DBing until it is over. I'm just guarding myself as well and my kids unlike last time.

Thats all.

Kevin

[25yearsmlc]

if you were going to file for divorce as a tactic to get your wife back, you really have made little progress.
good luck,

j-