Will changing my behavior change everything? No, but it will change something! I am working on being more affectionate on a daily casual basis -- like touching H's arm or giving him a kiss at a red light while we're in the car. And I really trying not to be critical of him (even in non-sexual situations).
I believe these are great things to try. More contact is often a good way to increase closeness. But I think that the second part might be even more important.
Your husband is a guy. Since he is, there are going to be many, many things that you could be critical of. But constant, contemptuous criticism is very destructive to intimacy. Trust me, I know about it because I was on the receiving end of it, non-stop, for years. Nitpicking tends to make guys shut down, and feel like they can't do anything right - so why bother?
Think about what he needs to change that is really important to you. Then limit your criticism to only those things. Replace the other criticism with Notice, Appreciation, and Praise. Let your husband know that you care about him, and why you think he is great. You could do this so easily, and it can make such a big difference. I really hope you'll give it a try.
Think about it: do you want him to be perfect (he never will be!) or do you want to have a great love life?
Last edited by Vigilant1; 06/30/0904:34 PM.
ME: 46/W:44 M: 6 years S: 4 Bomb: 1/20/09 SSM 2004-present marital therapy began 2/09 neither of us want divorce.. yet
