SST! Hi! How ya been? I have a hard time finding you with this new db.com format!
Pushing... I'm really more conscious of this. Funny, before I read your post, I was reflecting on the day (while watching the guys put in our pier! LOL)N wondering if I'm now overboard on the leading... Examples: H has been home since about midnight, and already I've been called out to ask input on new locale/layout of the pier (MB says, "what way do you prefer? Youare the one doing the work, and the one that will be most involved in getting the boat/waverunners out and in.). H asked what the schedule was for tomorrow (boys have their last soccer games). (MB says, 'Here are the game times. I'm flexible. And since you guys might still be working here, just tell me which one you want to go to, and/or if you want to send one of them with a teammate this time.). I asked him what hed like me to grill later (usually - would just cook).
So, you get my point. I'm trying to let him lead, if not turning the decision making back in his lap. Especially if it makes his life easier. (Remember he travels most of the week, and sleeps very little...)
MOST importantly, I went to Borders last night and got The Power of a Praying Wife. The kids were all gone, so I came home, poured a glass of pinot, sat on the boathouse, and read the first chapter, and prayed the first day prayer. It was about Changing Me. I, obviously need to change. I need to let go of a lot of resentment for H re: rejection. I need to forgive him for being unhappy. I'm at least half responsible for our unhappiness, yet I've been blaming him. (Have told him HE needs to forgive me for not doing my part in our M.). Lots more, but to much to mention here. Eye and heart opening for me. Not sure if it was the wine and/or the praying, but I felt more peaceful last night. (I'm sure both!!). I didn't cry when I went to sleep. I haven't cried today. I still feel pretty anxious, but I think I'm going to read that prayer when I start to feel anxious (not sure I should have the wine everytime, lest we have a new problem!).
I am a believer, not overly religious, but truly a believer. I like being a praying wife. We are truly the most effective people to pray for our husbands.
This got really long.
Off to go make dinner, and a waverunner ride! That cuts through the stress, as well!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Hi Mindblank! Long time, huh? Saw you over on another thread and thought I would drop by for old time's sake....lol.
Sure hope you will get yourself checked out by a doctor and be sure that everything is okay. I know from experience that we can only abuse our body's by stress for so long and then its going to rebell.
Quote:
Nah, MB---Bob as in Battery Operated Boyfriend!!
Hey.....a girl has to do what a girl has to do, right? Especially when her H is away on a truck!! See how people on this board can help in many areas of life?
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
that is wonderful! I'm glad you got that book, I've heard good things about it too.
and I'm very glad to hear you didn't cry last night. is this an everyday thing? fyi, if H has ANY, and I mean ANY idea that your doing this, it's going to put a burden on him, and I do believe it will put a damper on his feelings of intimacy with you. So, let that be one of your goals to try and focus on the positives and not what your lacking
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
It's great to hear you are letting H make a lot of decisions now. I can tell by the questions he asks you that he is used to you making decisions. Does he seem taken a little by surprise by you bouncing the ball back to him now? How does he react to that?
Most importantly, keep doing it, even if he's not reacting yet. You will need to be consistent to get results.
The book is good. It's a chapter a day, with a prayer at the end of each one, dealing with subjects related to men, husbands, providers, etc... Good reading. Good praying.
H doesn't see me crying. I get most sad when he's not here (during the week when he's away working).
Positives?
He's still at home. He is (probably) not having an affair (no real signs or evidence). He's mostly friendly. He's involved with us. We both have good jobs. The kids are great. My birthday is tomorrow.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Thanks for the support! You know... the situations where he's asking the questions... I'm not really handling things that much differently. I would ask him his opinion, and give mine. Sometimes we went with his, sometime mine. Now, I'm really just going with his opinion, or/rather agreeing with what his opinion is.
The pushiness that he saw in me was when I had an idea, event, opinion on something, and he didn't really agree with it... H would either never really give me an answer. So, I would bring it up again. Really, not with the intention of pushing him into the idea, event or opinion, but moreso to get a damn answer! I don't mind a no, not now, or differing opinion (MUCH! LOL), just tell me instead of evading me! So, he would not answer, I would say something again, and he would say I pushed it on him. And, so the circle goes...
We haven't had a situation like that lately, so I can't 180 that.
Maybe he'll feel like he's not being pushed if I keep going with his opinions on things we need to decide in the meantime... Who knows!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
The weekend was pretty fun. H and some of our 20-something friends put the pier in. The 20-something boys adore my H, and they are always fun to have around (not bad to look at either!!). It took them two days to get it all in, the waverunners in, and get them working properly. The boat lift will be put in this week, and our boat. Yea!
I handled the boys last soccer games (of the season), and the new season doesn't start until beginning of August.
Sunday night I came down with a pretty severe case of stomach flu, and I'm not that well yet. I was up all night Sunday... I thought I had appendicitis! I lost seven pounds! Not a fun way to do it!
Yesterday I slept almost all day. H was here until 3, then left for work. After he left my fever spiked to 102. He checked in later. Told him about the fever, and I was glad he wasn't here, around me anymore to get this! He replied, "Ditto! LOL"
Funny, almost every txt in the last week or so has a LOL on it. Wonder why everything is so damned funny!!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
OK folks, now we're really getting down the the (H) stressors.
I have know we have had some tax (IRS) issues, and that we have a CPA and Tax Attorney working on our "stuff" for some time. We are not an easy return. H and I have owned (and still own) our own companies, we have "interests" in a few other business dealings, etc... I have done the homework requested by the Tax Attorney to get through our "stuff."
H made an appointment for me with our Tax Attorney last week. The meeting was tough, but it didn't really sink in until this afternoon while I was doing more homework for him (providing ssn's of kids, years we can claim D18, etc...). Funny, I heard the Tax Attorney's words, but didn't really digest them.
Apparently, we have a MAJOR (like Donald Trump could only pay) tax liability. They've (CPA and Tax Attorney) have been working on this for a year and a half (about the exact time as I got the bomb). They're nearing the end of their work on our "stuff" and some decisions need to be made regarding the reporting/dispersing, etc... So, Tax Attorney explained it to me, and thankfully, I took notes.
I've done all I can to help with this situation. I haven't done anything with numbers, money, checking accounts, etc... That's always been my H's job, and we BOTH agreed he would handle financial stuff since I'm so bad at it. I handle a LOT of our other responsibilities.
So, I need to digest this. I need to understand what these "choices" really mean to me/us.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Ohhhhhh Noooooo! Just the tought would scare me to death! That is an area I know nothing about. All I can tell you sweetie is that we have been through some mighty rough times and I didn't know what was going to happen. However, we are still here and still kicking, so don't despair. No amount of worring will do you any good and just maybe this is an opportunity to show your H was a wonderful gal you are and he better thank his lucky stars you are strangling him. If he was suppose to take care of the "numbers", then I would think that fell under his "title".
I've had a lot of "downs" while here on the board, and people were very good to keep me cheered up. I bet they will you too.....so keep talking to us.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
See how people on this board can help in many areas of life?
Ohhhhhh Noooooo! Just the tought would scare me to death! That is an area I know nothing about. All I can tell you sweetie is that we have been through some mighty rough times and I didn't know what was going to happen. However, we are still here and still kicking, so don't despair. No amount of worring will do you any good and just maybe this is an opportunity to show your H was a wonderful gal you are and he better thank his lucky stars you are strangling him. If he was suppose to take care of the "numbers", then I would think that fell under his "title".