Pup, I know. I feel like I'm a total sucker. I sincerely don't want to be suckered anymore. I've been trying to break free completely from this whole crap and now I just don't know but I'm trying to take it one day at a time. Here's an update below.

First, mdoodles, to be honest, me too. I'm amazed at these anonymous text messages. I have no clue how she does it - ow is really gooooood. When I get the texts it says nothing, no phone # no name. The place for a name or number is blank - not even unknow or private. So I have no clue how she does it. the girl is working on her crazy- it she keeps at it she might get a degree out of it. lmao smile Now about the new guy, don't know what's up. He went out of town, called to let me know but haven't heard from him in a while. I'm getting the feeling that maybe "he's just not that into you." Don't know. I thought we had a good vibe though but I'm thinking my life is complicated and maybe his is too. So I'm trying to lay low, not stress about it and play cool. But I think he is a really cool guy though. But I don't want H to know any of this. Let him keep thinking all is wonderful.

Anyway, so update... so after work yesterday I did some walking and then went by my sister and my friend. H kept calling my phone and texting to find out if I'm on my way home. I wasn't answering him at all until about close to 10pm figured he was trying to come back again. I called him back as I was driving home and he said what if he comes back tonight. i said no I'm tired and going to shower up catch my bed. Then he tells me he never left - I had left him there and went to work since he was tired and weas off from work. He was suppose to lock up and leave. H stayed there the whole day yesterday. He had asked me if I ate dinner, which I did at my sister but he thinks I went out to eat. I got home and the man was cooking dinner. He never cooks but apprently was cooking since he left. There he was acting like he never left - but I wasn't- I'm not trying to go back to square one. I was peerplexed like what the heck, I'm not ready for this man to move back here with me just like that. But I had decided though that I wasn't going to fuss last night - I would do the Tao and practice doing nothing. I showered up we chatted. He mentioned that he going to leave after he finished cooking and I knwo I probably should have kicked him out but it felt too cruel so I told him he could sleep in the basement. It was perfect that I left him cook and went to bed. But before I went to bed, he made me stopped and he professed that look he really wants his marriage back and he knows he has made some terrible mistakes and he's going to go talk to the pastor but this is not like the last times. I was a bit distanced and told him that I just don't know but I hear him but I know there's really nothing that he can say right now that only time can fix this and prove it. Even earlier the evening when he talked about how he's depressed - H didn't eat the entire day, he starved himself when he's stressed, I told him that I know it will be hard for him to break up with ow - I was thinking about the withdrawal. He said know its hard losing me and he knows what he needs to do. I'm here just trying to keep my cool though. I don't want to go back down the same road of the yoyo so I'm keeping my reservations but keeping cool. We have tons we would need to work out.

Anywa, so I said nothing to H about the text message I got and I am very happy about it. I mean I am going to starve this woman from my attention. She has gotten too much of my happiness, time and energy. This morning I got a blocked call with no answer so I know its her. I'm sure there will be tons more. But I'm going to try to stick with my new plan and say nothing to H as yet. If we decide to give this a try then we will address it. But I know if I go to him he will go to her about it and she will then know that I'm being bothered and troubled by it and I don't want to give her that satisfaction. And especially since it's just not troubling me at all. So will keep you guys posted.