Glioblastomia Mutiforme Stage 4..I hate those words..they make me angry..they make me [censored] mad.
I figured dad would die of a heart attack or have a stroke in his sleep..or maybe just be taken really quick in a car wreck or something..it would have been hard but not like this..
this [censored] sucks donkey dicks...
dad is 6'4"..he weighed around 245 last November...he's down about 195 now.....skin hanging off him..unable to do anything due to the last two weeks of radiation and chemo absolutely reducing him to a shell of what he was...moved him into the livving room in a hospital bed just to be able to better manage him...a urinary tract infection and thrush/thrash infection from the chemo pills....very little immunity to fight even the simpliest infection...thrush..something babies get..a simple yeast infection which pretty much limits what he can eat or drink due to his throat being sore...reduced to wearing diapers like a baby...a loss of dignity for him and it pains me deeply..
and I am really pissed about it...
I got a call at 1:00am last night..dad needed to use the bathroom but was unable to help get himself up to use it..I stumble over...and my older sister and I help him...I do the heavy lifting and pretty much manhandle him...he can not understand simple commands if more than one person is talking at a time..his legs are unable to support his weight due to the infections...
he looked at me one time last night and what I was was blankness..nothing in his eyes..liked he zoned out..like he was looking through me..his balance sucks..he's weak
this [censored] sucks...
he goes back to the neuro today to look at the lastest pictures...
and just guessing..I'd say it's all back..
sometimes I wish he would just go...and when I wish that I feel guilty..
I had a grand total of about 2 hours sleep last night...
