This is a hard one! We don't know why the sudden turn about in him and it could be a number of things. Maybe he and GF had a fight and he's trying to get back at her. Maybe he sees how stupid he's been acting and wants to make a small step in making amends for his terrible behavior. I'm not saying he's ready to get back with you and that is what you need to beware of this action. I don't want you to set yourself up and then him turn on you or your mom while having dinner......or even sit there as if he's miserable and doesn't have much to say....and then it will eat away at you and you'll wonder what you could have done differently.
It is a hard decision to make. You are probably concerned that it will make him very angry if you don't accept this invitation. If that's how you feel, then you are still too concerned about "his" feelings.
Ask yourself if this dinner and family get-together might get your daughter's hope up of her parents reconciling. Also your mom has suffered at his brutal tongue and you don't want to subject her to that again.
I would say to weigh out everything and see what you "really" want to do. Your emotions are still very fragile. I know you would be upset if it did not go well. And, what if it did go well? Would it get your hopes up too? Or.....would you be able to accept it at face value and not read anything into it other than he was trying to make things better between him and his D's mother and grandmother? Would the disappointment in seeing him act nice, but knowing he has no plans to return to the M--hurt you more than it would be worth seeing him and spending time with him?
Who knows what his real thought are behind this offer? I hate it when people who have been absolutely rotten comes out of the blue with something like this. Did he expect you to fall at his feet b/c of this great invitation? You could thank him and tell him that you had made previous plans. Then if he tries to get you to change them to go to the dinner.......well, that is something you will have to decide what you feel you can deal with. Looking at his track record, I just don't trust him, and I am concerned that you will either be hurt or if he's nice and shows you a good time, that your thoughts will go haywire. Why couldn't he leave you alone unless he's had a change of heart? I find it hard to believe he has. It doesn't happen this quickly and that's why I am suspicious. Why play this way? If he wanted to talk to you, he would not have the D and mother along......so I can't believe that's it. Maybe he's just trying to look like a great person in the eyes of your D and if you refuse this offer, then he can tell her that he "tried" and you turn it down. Man, what a mess!
I haven't helped at all. I usually try not to just come out and tell anybody what to do about something like this, but try to throw out some things for them to think about. You probably have thought about all of this plus more. I'm just afaid of you getting hurt either way he goes that evening. If he's as sweet and kind as possible, I think you would leave with a very heavy heart. But if that would be better than having this terrible anger he's had toward you, then maybe it would be worth the risk. Only you know how strong you feel at this time. I don't want this to put you back into the hospital.
I sure wished I could be more help, sweetie. It is a hard decision, but you are smart and I think you will do what you feel you need to do. Let me hear what you decide.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
For some time now I have been reading your threads and the advice you have given to so many here. I have gained so much knowledge and insight from your words. Thanks so much for your selfless giving.
I miss hearing from you as often as I used to. I hope you're doing OK...and I know you stay busy trying to help folks out here on this board. Bridgestone posted on my thread a short while back...and she hit the nail on the head. Would you check it out when you get a chance? Thanks. TTYL.
antlers
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Just packing for London and wanted to quickly thank you for your post and for your unfailing support. I have decided to decline my H's invitation. In my opinion I do not believe that this is coming from a sincere place and yes, I don't trust him. I am at my wits ends here and truly now want to drop the rope. I have had enough. I am worth more than this and need to value myself more. I am going DARK aside from email communication about our D7. enough is enough. He has insulted my integrity and my basic right as a human being in terms of decency and respect to another person. It is my birthday tomorrow and I hope to try to relax in the company of very close friends and to enjoy myself. Sending best wishes and blessings/thanks. I x
Shannon, I think that is the best move. I fear that the so-called dinner he wanted to take all of you to would not have ended with you being happy! Glad to see you with some "attitude"!
Talk later, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
As you may remember, I am on a three week trip here in Georgia. I am having an awesome time here with my D! This time away has been very beneficial for my PMA. Also, I have been so at Peace, being away from the MLC H and the nightmare. I miss my dogs more than him! lol
I am taking your advice with NC. He did text me twice the morning I left. The first text came in ten minutes after he left for work. It said have a good trip. (because I went dim, he doesn't even know where I'm at). I texted back with a simple thank you. About two hours later, he texted again and it said not to worry about the dogs. I almost texted back that time telling him I wasn't worried that they were in good hands. BUT, I did not reply. I've been good with NC.
* I did hear from XH however. He wanted to know if I was having a good visit with our D. lol
