The day my husband dropped the bomb, a 2x4 friend gave me two of Michele's books. The techniques and mindset I'm learning have been a godsend during this bewildering time. Having action points and how-to's allows me to grow, reflect and discover, creating positive energy during a time of emotional chaos.
With that said.. here is a theory that is (continually) evolving from the mind of yours truly.
The SBD Syndrome
After years of decline the SBD spouse finally hits their breaking point of no return. It's kinda like those gaseous body odors which slip out silently which emit a lethal scent. Everyone looks around, aghast and offended with a "Who me??" expression on their face. The 'bomb' has been dropped.
Most people get to this place by not doing all the good things one should to be healthy. It's like someone who is lactose intolerant going on an ice cream bender. Ice cream tastes great, how bad can it be? Only your body knows.
So.. we have the couple, both on a lactose intolerant ice cream bender managing the process. More effort goes into hiding the effects of the symptoms rather than facing the cause of the discomfort. After all, who wants to lay claim to such a smelly uncomfortable outcome?
Eventually one spouse can't take it anymore, and BOOM.. the silent but deadly (SBD) entity slips out. That is Stage One, the courageous part.. finally letting it go. And man oh man, does it smell, reek, stink, just curl your toes in the wrong direction.
Even the most dimwitted spouse is rattled from their stupor of surviving the discomfort of the lactose intolerant ice cream bender by the scent that invades their very core. "Where oh where did THAT come from??"
Now comes Stage Two ..Avoidance. Instead of owning up to what's been released, the initiating spouse looks just as bewildered as the receiving spouse. The eye watering, nose hair singeing odor is increasing.
After the first round has been released, the initiating spouse makes a comment or two and does one of two things:
1. Continues to drop SBD's and look offended, not taking responsibility
or
2. Walks away
Although both spouses are suffering from the same malaise, one finally blows. Once something is out in the open a choice is made in how to deal with it.. fix it, dump it or shove it back.
Those who opt to fix it, rarely need a divorce remedy. They work together, find the cause, cure the symptoms and live a fragrant life.
Those who shove it back keep air freshening companies in business by tweaking, managing and going through life quite uncomfortably. Surviving the SBD's is seen a better course of action than dealing with the root cause. The pain of now is better than relief in the future. These folks rarely need a divorce remedy because all their energy is in clamping down.
The middle group, where one drops a bomb and walks away leaving the other with the mess is the lucky group who finds themselves here. The terrible scent crashes through the numbness of being awakening the remaining spouse to what the true reality is.
In many ways, I as a member of the middle group wish to think my SBD spouse for finally blowing and rattling me awake. Perhaps the effort of letting it loose is so emotionally exhausting that he doesn't have the energy or inclination to get to the root of the problem.
Perhaps for him, the SBD, was a birth process. Instead of it being a big smelly fart, it's his baby. Why wouldn't he protect it?
And that, my friends, is my whole new way of looking at things.
I was scrambling trying to figure out what SBD was.
Quote:
The middle group, where one drops a bomb and walks away leaving the other with the mess is the lucky group who finds themselves here. The terrible scent crashes through the numbness of being awakening the remaining spouse to what the true reality is.
That's called "cropdusting" very effective when you are in a store with a long aisle.
Too funny, love the analogy. A "lactose intolerant ice cream bender" !
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
