today I was hit...by that reality. I was at work at new job, surrounded by new people, and suddenly was struck by how different my life has become in such a short period of time...and how WAH and I are becoming more and more of strangers to each other.

Maybe its crazy, maybe its part of the process, but while I can truly accept and possibly even welcome things as they are now...when I am faced with letting go of all hope of even the possibility of rebuilding our R., well, I feel...hopeless.

Maybe I won't always feel this way. But right now, I do. I wonder how he is, what he is feeling, if he still eats pretzels dipped in yellow mustard for a snack while standing at the counter. I wonder if he wonders about me and am sad to think, probably not.

Me 30
H 33
together:10 years
married:5 years
Separated: 1/23/09
living apart 5 mos and counting
"when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"-FDR