Before going to bed I have to vent a few potentially damaging ideas that have been rattling around in my head all day. Advance, preventive 2x4s requested.
Keep in mind that my sitch has been a no-animosity, no anger sitch since the bomb.
Even though we had that record-setting good one-whole-hour-together talk last Thursday, and that my Ann'y Card And Note clearly touched her this past weekend and I am DBing fair-ta-middlin' lately, and, most importantly, I'm feeling good about myself...I want to talk to her! I mean really talk. Except for last Thursday it is now seven months with precious little dialog at all, including the you-stay-on-your-side-of-the-fence,-you-stay-on-yours MC debacle. Reliable source tells me she's confused, in a lot of pain, doesn't know what to do.
Early on, Stillloveshim told me she doesn't think ours is a Last Resort sitch and twice told me to get face-to-face with her, how about a benign date, etc.
Even last week when I asked her to hold off on filing for a while/take a breather, her first response was "Well, if you could give me something more concrete as to why you want to..."
God forgive my desperate corniness, I even thought of creating a new/different email account/name on GMail and humorously sending her an obviously-me Jimmy-Buffet-like-If-You-Like-Pina-Coladas email to start...something. some dialog.
She's hurt. She's insecure. She's good. She's my friend. And, yeah, I'm mind-reading here, but I know her. And I bet sure-as-s&%t, she's totally mis-interpreting my DBing to date.
Think I had another half-assed idea today but, thankfully, I've forgotten what that one was.
I'm going to bed soon. I will dutifully submit to the barrage of 2x4s in the morning.
Thank you.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
