Puppy - OK home now. Took my first dose of anxiety medicine. When I walked through the door my son was talking to my H on the phone. My H asked to speak to me. He seems Ok at this point. He's going to take our son to pick out a laptop. I'm going to let them do this together because I think it'll just be better!
The more I think about my conversation with her today the angier I get. She was all over the place just spewing anger and resentment towards me and another one of our friends. I think she was actually jealous of my close relationship with my two friends and didn't really know how to be a friend. She always has said she's not a people person and she doesn't need people but today I think I realized that that was a coverup. It reminded of just how unstable she can be! And oh of course I and everyone else have passed judgment on her but she's doing the same thing to us and apparently has done it for years (I got an earful of her laundry list of complaints today).
At this point I don't think I'm going to share anything more about our conversation unless he asks. Because let's face it I'm sure they'll be talking again if not tonight or tomorrow and she'll spill everything.
The more I think about my conversation with her today the angier I get. She was all over the place just spewing anger and resentment towards me and another one of our friends. I think she was actually jealous of my close relationship with my two friends and didn't really know how to be a friend.
Actually, I think she's resentful of your relationship with your HUSBAND, but I'm getting into that "beating a dead horse" territory, so I think I'll pull over.
Who knows at this point. H came home and immediately went downstairs. I tried to help our son with his new laptop and had to go downstairs to ask my H if he could come up and try to help. It'll probably have to wait until our older son gets home from work in a couple of hours - he's the one with the computer skills.
I'm just tired and angry with the whole situation. Waiting for the other shoe to drop later tonight - if he decides to talk about it. I think he's going to be surprised at my reaction. I'm just not going to take it anymore - I'm tired of hearing it's all my fault he tried and wouldn't respond, my shutting down was just an excuse, he can't just turn off his emotions like I do (no I don't but I've learned I can choose how I respond to them whether than wallow in them and feel sorry for myself).
I've taken responsibility for my part, apologized, and I making positive changes in my life. If he chooses not to be with me so be it but I'm not going back to where I came from and I'm not letting him beat me down anymore. I won't make it easier by filing for him if he says he wants to divorce - he'll have to take responsibility for once in his life and follow through.
Wouldn't you love to be a fly on the wall when he talks to her about our conversation today?
Learn the fine art of "I'm really sorry you feel that way." It can be inserted whenever you're too drained to come up with anything more clever, and it's validating.
I like it! It validates but doesn't indicate agreement. Any other words of wisdom or "tough love" things you think I need to hear tonight? I'm all ears!
Conversation with H. According to him he called her by accident that he was actually trying to call me about our son's b-day tonight (our names are spelled the same accept for the last letter). So I thought if she is playing games - game on. I told him that she said that you told her to pickup that you'd told me that I couldn't tell you who you could to talk to. I told him she out there with anger and bitterness and that I will not be calling her again - that I tried to reach out to her and it backfired.
I also told him that she said she thought I was in the same place as her that my H didn't want to work on our marriage. He of course doesn't believe that I wasn't looking at the phone records and saw that they had talked.
He said "see there's the problem too many people talking about things." He didn't seem to have such strong anger tonight like he usually does. Surprised to see that.
So we'll see where the rest of this week takes us. I plan on keeping my distance and leaving with my son on Thursday night for 10 days. I'm going to let him contact me if there's to be contact. I think I need the break as much as he does. I'm going to use this time to really study my DBing book and the Boundaries in Marriage book, and do a lot of thinking and praying and of course journaling!
Puppy I know I have to drive you to frustration at times and I do apologize. I just want to say again how much I appreciate your having my back and the lessons you teach me!
Conversation with H. According to him he called her by accident that he was actually trying to call me about our son's b-day tonight (our names are spelled the same accept for the last letter). So I thought if she is playing games - game on. I told him that she said that you told her to pickup that you'd told me that I couldn't tell you who you could to talk to. I told him she out there with anger and bitterness and that I will not be calling her again - that I tried to reach out to her and it backfired.
I also told him that she said she thought I was in the same place as her that my H didn't want to work on our marriage. He of course doesn't believe that I wasn't looking at the phone records and saw that they had talked.
He said "see there's the problem too many people talking about things." He didn't seem to have such strong anger tonight like he usually does. Surprised to see that.
So we'll see where the rest of this week takes us. I plan on keeping my distance and leaving with my son on Thursday night for 10 days. I'm going to let him contact me if there's to be contact. I think I need the break as much as he does. I'm going to use this time to really study my DBing book and the Boundaries in Marriage book, and do a lot of thinking and praying and of course journaling!
Puppy I know I have to drive you to frustration at times and I do apologize. I just want to say again how much I appreciate your having my back and the lessons you teach me!
I hear you! You've opened my eyes especially about her! I hate to admit it but I do tend to be a little naive and always want to think the best of people.
I'll have to admit tonight it felt pretty good when he said he accidentally dialed her - to say to him "well she told me you said to pick up that you told me I couldn't tell you who you could to talk to anymore!"
And, when I told him she said she thought she and I were in the same situation that my H didn't want to work on our marriage either. He did not like that! "see that's what happens when people talk too much!"
My son is such a joy! He has a great sense of humor and really seems to roll with the punches (except when his temper gets the best of him). He has 3 learning disabilities and just outgrew a mild case of Tourette's Syndrome and he takes it all in stride! They grow up too fast. My "baby" is 14! And he's 6'1-1/2" already and still growing. He may surpass my oldest who is a quarter inch away from 6'5".
I plan on just having some great one-on-one time with my son next week! You can bet I'll be staying in touch with my DB support group!
