GH31 - Dilemma with my pregnant wife

[GH31]

Thanks to all of you for chiming in here,

I had an interesting morning. I got up and walked to the other end of the house and W was in her father's room with the door closed. She was having an argument on the phone and it was, guess who, OM. I stood at the door and listened for a few moments then walked into the room, straight to her and said "give me the ****ing phone". W didn't give me the ****ing phone and said "Go away GH31, leave me alone". I grabbed the phone off her and said "OM, speak up" but the phone was dead.

W ran into her room in tears and said "you're always mean to me GH31, and we're separated". I replied "I'm disappointed you think I'm always mean to you and separation is a state of marriage. Whenever you're not in your affair you say stuff like "we belong together GH31", "we have a special way about us", "I love your company and your masculinity etc." but having an affair is a cruel and despicable thing and you have to justify it to yourself somehow".

I also added "I'm not always mean to you in fact I care about you a lot and probably still love you. That doesn't mean I want you as my W at any price, but I do care about you".

Then we left home and walked to transport together and W said "OM doesn't want to see me anymore, because I'm pregnant". I said nothing, I've heard this all before and grow more indifferent to it by the day.

Saffie/Diane, I'll tell you a little bit about the background to this pregnancy. In March this year when I thought the affair was history, W and I were having lots of fun and frequent passionate sex; she was also taking a few supplements to get pregnant. We didn't use any type of birth control at all and W never asked me not to finish inside her. In fact, she would often ask me to do it again. That behaviour is consistent with a woman wanting to fall pregnant.

I am quite sure that she had a miscarriage in February (very brief period after sex which lasted an evening and a little clot, and the blood was a different colour - apologies to the squeamish). Then W was asking me to make an appointment with a naturopath dealing specifically in fertility issues. I did this and we ended up going in early April but unbeknown to us she was already pregnant by then.

That's my situation at present. I really am growing indifferent to my W - my responsibility is to protect that baby as much as I am able. The more I am detaching from my W and the chaos that surrounds her, the better I do at work. I am enjoying being in bed by myself and reading for an hour before going to sleep.

At present I am reading Beyond Survival by Captain Gerald Coffee, an incredible book about his time as a POW in Vietnam. During his seven years he was held in solitary confinement, brutally tortured and came out stronger and much tougher as a result. He is a true hero.

GH31 is going to turn 33 in a few days time. When I think about what I was like at 31 I was such a baby compared to today, totally lacking in emotional maturity. I was a very abusive, angry and selfish person with a big hole in my psyche. I am much wiser and stronger now.