Planning separation/divorce and need help

[sally_a]

Yes, this forum is about saving marriages and that makes me rather depressed. I caught his porn addiction 9 months back, and after that I was severely depressed for 6 months. I still can't function properly at work. This marriage has emotionally exhausted me to the limit. I live in constant fear of the next unpleasant surprise or betrayal. The high level of constant stress with spikes of higher stress when more lies come out or another promise gets broken has taken its toll on my emotional and physical health. Both of us go to individual counseling. We tried one marriage counselor but she was not a sex addiction specialist and enabled his dishonesty, hiding, and secrecy. All counselors agree there was not much of a marriage in the first place - he has been lying about important things from the beginning of the relationship. He shows no remorse and is not willing to do anything to make me feel safe, like give email passwords, cellphone records, credit card bills. In fact he accuses me of being critical and not accepting him as he is, with his porn addiction - but he hid it from me before marriage so I don't see why I should accept him when he shows no remorse and makes no amends. On the surface he says he wants the marriage to work but his actions show otherwise. I don't think there is any way to save a marriage where I don't trust my H at all. And yes, he knows I am planning because we decided to look for separate apartments after our current lease ends.