very tense for her, i could tell. she tried not to make eye contact unless we were speaking. she only stood in the doorway while she was here for less then 5 minutes. she gave me two hugs.
lol i was so strong and honestly so happy to see her. she said at one point don't cry, i laughed and said i'm not feeling any emotions like that at all right now. i'm just happy to see you and the dog. i asked her a couple quick financial business questions i had already thought of, and we agreed on it both very quickly. she even offered a quick solution to one which i happily agreed to.
i know it was so hard on her. it honestly was way harder for her then it was for me, imho. i had tears in my eyes after she left, mainly for seeing one my dogs after 3 weeks. i don't think i'll be as lonely here now, but it sure is a reminder of her at this moment.
i've been doing a ton of reading on passive agressive behavior today, and feel i have a bit of it, and rather my W has the huge majority of it. actually, PA's are attracted to codependents and i think we ended up rubbing off on each other over the years.
i didn't really expect much from this initial meeting. she had said earlier on the phone she wouldn't stay long or really come in the house. i asked why since she's driving 5 hours to get here. she said she knew what would happen if she did? and she said she would break down. i could see her fighting that when she was here.
puppy thank you for opening my eyes to a situation i've been completely blind to. my level of understanding just went up 3 notches on my never-ending ladder of life-learning.
knowing that she is passive aggressive actually gives me an insight to how she feels in general. it also gives me caution and awareness now when i interact with her. i have a completely diffferent outlook on this whole situation. i'm not saying it's a good one, but definately different then 24 hours ago...
should i wait for her to contact? probably yes. i do want to thank her for bringing our shih-tzu home. i'll just do it when/if she contacts me again.
i forgot to mention we had an in depth conversation this morning AFTER i learned a little about PA behavior. i didn't say anything about it, but it helped me talk to her in a different way then i have ever in the past. it seemed to help the sitch from where it was last nite... i'm not trying to read too much into it, but i know i'm doing it more then i should. this is so hard right now..... i feel like i'm starting COMPLETELY OVER!
any well wishers or flaw pointer outers would be great right now... i'm starting to lose it all over again... what should i do or what should happen next?
