Head to the library and pick up Codependent No More, the chapter on detachment is especially useful.
I had the same attitude about my M for the two weeks before I was able to force the bomb out of my H... Maybe if I just love him harder, do more for him, be there for him constantly - and then I cracked when I realized he was even more irritated with me than he was before...
I've been practicing detachment/GAL/180 for almost a month now, and I feel better for ME, and care less about what he thinks or does...
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
I will look into those books, thank you. I do however want to finish the DR book first. Counseling was talked about, but we have been busy as we just moved. I think I might want to bring that back up again.
I feel you. It’s like she says, “this is what bothers me”, but then when I try to change in order to accommodate her needs, it seems to backfire and another stipulation is added. I am really just starting to try and work on myself and go back to what made her fall in love with me in the first place.
yeah, at that time I was in a state of panic. My wife actually called my Dad and had him come over to talk to me the first time I asked for a divorce. She didn’t want one, but thought it was happening. I hate I ever asked, but it happened and now I have to deal with the consequences. I love my wife and will do what it takes to get her back. I want to keep our family together.
Thank you. I will look into “Quotes on Divorce Busting II”. I think I did already, but I will look again. I know I wrote a bunch of them down and keep them with me (which I read quite often).
Puppy Dog Tails - I will look into those books, thank you. I do however want to finish the DR book first. Counseling was talked about, but we have been busy as we just moved. I think I might want to bring that back up again.
ShockedOne – I feel you. It’s like she says, “this is what bothers me”, but then when I try to change in order to accommodate her needs, it seems to backfire and another stipulation is added. I am really just starting to try and work on myself and go back to what made her fall in love with me in the first place.
Gucci loafer – yeah, at that time I was in a state of panic. My wife actually called my Dad and had him come over to talk to me the first time I asked for a divorce. She didn’t want one, but thought it was happening. I hate I ever asked, but it happened and now I have to deal with the consequences. I love my wife and will do what it takes to get her back. I want to keep our family together.
Gardener – Thank you. I will look into “Quotes on Divorce Busting II”. I think I did already, but I will look again. I know I wrote a bunch of them down and keep them with me (which I read quite often).
....I think right now I am just going to concentrate on working on myself. Then I think I can be a better husband (and father). I am still having an issue with Trust a little bit, but I really am working on just getting over it and knowing that even if she is talking to someone else, I have her now and need to make the best of it. Will trust ever truly come back 100%?
This is hard to do because I love her so much I wish we could be closer. However I realize I have to work on myself and that is probably the only way I will keep her with me. Thanks for your post.
This is hard to do because I love her so much I wish we could be closer. However I realize I have to work on myself and that is probably the only way I will keep her with me. Thanks for your post.
I was told that I should come on here and make a post ever now and then, like a follow up or an update on how things are going. So here it is:
My wife and I are still living in the same house and “working on things”. Well, at least I feel I am working on things. She seems to say her being here is working on things, so I guess I should be grateful for that. At least she is here right? Well, physically her body is here. I don’t think she is always here emotionally or mentally. She keeps saying she is waiting for me to change, but I don’t know what else I can do. I have changed everything I do with still staying true to who I am. I am trying to change and work on me for me in hopes to make her happy. I feel I am doing everything she needs and for the most part, things will go good. We will have a good day, but then I always end up doing something (good or bad) and I feel like it ruins the entire day. As soon as that happens, I feel like we have to start our “trying to make things work” from scratch. I am not really sure how to handle this. I feel like I am failing in our marriage. I don’t want to let my wife and kids down. This family means to much to me.
I also (at times) feel like she might still be talking to someone. I think most of it is in my head and just an assumption, but I guess because she has talked to people behind my back in the past, it is hard to get that trust back. Will it ever come back truly? I am okay most days, but when checking the mail takes an extra 10 minutes and I know she has internet on her phone, I feel she might be talking to someone. Again, she did in the past. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but again, it’s hard because of how I was hurt in the past. Any advice would be great.
Today’s post. My wife has had some time to think and she says there are things that we have (family, etc…) that she is willing to work on. However it doesn’t seem like things are getting any different. Well, maybe a little, but I still feel she is not as happy as she could be and I don’t know what to do. I have been working on just being me and making sure the things that are important to me and my family get done (instead of worrying about her all day). That is getting me through the days but I want more. Does that sound selfish. I just want her to love me again and be attracted to me as her husband. We are getting along better. I don’t know, maybe it just needs time. They say time heals all wounds. I really love her and want us to be together. I feel I am just being impatient. Any advice please….
