Thank you for the information, much appreciated. I looked at the website. There are some groups in our State (none near me) but I think I'll call some of the churches and see what I can find out.
THANK YOU!
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
I don't know how to do that fancy quote thing, but this is a list from the 180 workshop Forum. Thought you might find an idea in here. I think this thread dates back from 2003..it is an oldie, but a good one.
Get a life and 180s seem to fit hand and hand at times. I've been gathering a list of suggestions from people on this site. Here it is:
PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES Exercise Walk around the block Take up a new sport: Kayaking Weight lifting Jogging Train for a marathon Soccer Biking Target Shooting Karate Tennis Skiing Snowboarding Scuba Boating Golf Swimming Hiking Cross-country skiing Yoga Aerobics
PERSONAL APPERANCE Start to wear perfume/cologne Change your style of clothing: skirts, not slacks, heels, not flats, new colors, loafers, not sneakers. Get a new haircut/style Change your hair color/add highlights Get a pedicure Get a manicure (men too!) Get fake nails Shave/Don’t shave—grow a beard, mustache, or soul patch, shave your back
HOBBIES Take a class: cooking, painting, yoga, pottery, meditation, photography Join a book club Start a book club Take up gardening: plant bulbs for spring (still okay until the ground freezes) Learn a new language Volunteer: Senior Center, Hospital, Animal Shelter, Non-profits Go to Church/Synagogue Explore a new religion (Soup has a website for Buddhism) Website recommended: pathways-to-peace.com Learn about Feng-shui Learn a new instrument Learn to knit/crochet/cross-stitch
PERSONAL WELL-BEING Eat Breakfast Eat well Change your diet –switch to low carb/low fat, many out there to choose from Change the type of food you cook---explore a whole new ethnicity Sleep Tickle the kids Call Friends Read Self-help books Create Goals Read Success Stories Go see a therapist yourself Make a list of all your good points and talents Lose Weight
BEHAVIORS Begin to have an organized home (recommended website: flylady.net) Find a new way to drive to and from work Shop at a new grocery store Change the type of toothpaste you use Be home when spouse comes home/ comes over Don’t be home Wait to return calls/emails—a day, a few hours, whatever is different Change the medium of contact—phone/email/letters Learn to flirt. Practice on people you don’t know Break Plates to release anger (garage sales would be good to stock up on these) Become Mysterious Stop initiating any conversations Go to another room when spouse comes home Stop interfering/helping spouse with relationship with kids Don’t make plans that include spouse Stop keeping spouse informed on kids Stop confronting spouse Leave the room first End the conversation first Go one day without saying “hurry” to your kids Stop defending self Listen! (Mockers in piecing has a great poem about this)
PAMPERING Watch a funny movie Listen to audio tapes: suggested Jack Kornfiled/ Pema Chodron Listen to music Go see an IMAX movie (Coral Reef recommended) Buy Peppermint Foot Lotion Buy new underwear—men, lots of new types of underwear out there! Take a coffee or tea break Throw a party Paint a room Rearrange furniture
H was outside speaking with OW for a long time tonight. The house phone rang... I wasn't gonna answer cause I knew it was for him but thought, why not? Let's interrupt his convo with b!tch! So, as sweetly as I could, I jogged outside with the phone, using a pet name for him, told him the phone was for him etc... Man, you should have seen his face...cause B!tch had to hear the whole thing. PRICELESS! I know, not the most mature thing to do on my part but IT WAS FUN!
If you are seriously looking for a support group, can I suggest DivorceCare? The program is run through churches all over the country. If you go to their website and put in your zip code you can find out if there is a group in your area.
m422, thank you for this. I know I'm going to check 'em out...
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
...but thought, why not? Let's interrupt his convo with b!tch! So, as sweetly as I could, I jogged outside with the phone, using a pet name for him, told him the phone was for him etc... Man, you should have seen his face...cause B!tch had to hear the whole thing. PRICELESS! I know, not the most mature thing to do on my part but IT WAS FUN!
You are very funny And clever!
p.s. Ash, would like your take on my sitch (Fri note, Sat exchange). Thanks.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I don't even know where to start. I am so angry and so hurt. H is out there on the phone with the F@cking B!tch as we speak. I went out there, said I wanted to talk to it, he said no. I told H it was disrespectful to me and our M.
Today was a day from he!!. A call at 5am from my SIL that my BIL was very, very sick. H comes home. I told H I would like to go with him to the hospital. H says no, he wants to do it alone. That hurt like he!!. I got upset, not the thing to do but I couldn't control it. H leaves and a little while later he calls and says BIL is not good at all. I decide I am going to go, after all I have been in his family for 17 years. Long story short H's brother died today. We get home tonight and are talking about his brother, life, "putting things in perspective" and I give him some solicited advice and H says "that's what Alisha (aka F@cking B!tch) told me." I was completely floored. I started crying, I couldn't help it. I still can't stop. I can't believe he has turned to her. Here I am by his side, all this years, all day today, trying to piece our M back together and for what? I don't know if I can do this. Honest to God, I don't know. This pain is unbearable. Reality hit like a ton of bricks today. H doesn't want me. H wants her. H wants to take away my M and everything that it involves, including his family.
How do you survive a night like tonight? I don't want to. I just don't.
Sorry to spill like this. I don't know where else to turn right now.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
Sounds like you have a really rough day. I'm so sorry.
Quote:
How do you survive a night like tonight? I don't want to. I just don't.
Hope I am misreading this, but do not do anything stupid. Your child needs you, no matter what happens.
I understand your feelings, and I feel for you. So much pain on these boards. But, you have to dig down and find the strength to pull yourself together. What is the alternative? Any other alternative will be something that will drive H away faster and further.
Is your H acting selfish? Yes. The question is do you still want to try to save your M?
GIMA - thanks for the response. No, I would never do anything stupid. My S is the most important thing in the world to me and I would never do that to him. I'm just so d@mn depressed right now I wish I was dead.
It takes all the strength I have not to ask him right now - Why? Why her? Why are you doing this to us? Why won't you talk to me? Why are you turning to her? How can you hurt me so much and care so little? I so bad want to ask these questions but am keeping myself in check. However, I can't control the tears. They keep coming and coming. I feel I'm being so weak right now with my emotions.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
YOU are not the one being weak here. It's ok to have the feelings you are having - and completely understandable. Can you have these away from him? Just a place to get your emotions out? You might want to go there and give yourself a set amount of time to get it all out, then make a promise to yourself that you will stop.
Depression, while completely understandable, is something you have to deal with. I'm not talking about true depression. I'm talking about the pain and disappointment you are no doubt going through right now. Pray for peace (I have done that already for you). Reach within yourself for the strength to keep going - it is there.
Get your emoitons out, then get the focus back on YOU - where it belongs and where you have control.
