Trying to stay strong

[hopeful_cb]

Today has been an ok day, its been hot here so was hard not to get distracted at work and then I had several appointments cancel so was pretty bored.

I woke up this morning 2 hrs early feeling pretty anxious, but dont know why, nothing has changed or happened. After work I had a little sleep to catch up and the same thing happened, keep waking up from my sleep feeling really anxious. And then this starts to worry me and it turns into a cycle. Ah.

H text me during work today saying, hi and that he hadn't looked at bills n stuff yet. would I like to meet to talk about it? he is free wed or friday, otherwise he can just call me about it one night.

I haven't answered, dont know what to say really. I dont know why he is making such a big deal out of this, all I need is a list with the amount for each. I dont think its complicated. so it makes me wonder if H is using this as an excuse to meet up? I dont want his pity if thats what it is, and I dont want him to feel like I am pressuring him to keep seeing me(although i dont know how i would be doing this) but I get the feeling he feels this way. Should I just ask him straight out? Should I just assume that since he's asked me then he wants to?

In the past that has been a problem for us, I would normally assume i know what hes thinking and act accordingly but he would say i dont really know what he's thinking i just think i do, etc. so i guess if i were to handle it differently, ie in a better way I'd have to try something different, so maybe just talk to him about it? not sure if he'd answer truthfully tho. Am I completely over thinking this!?

Sorry for all this rambling, now I feel like the crazy guy on the street corner!