Planning separation/divorce and need help

[sally_a]

I have decided to leave my husband (he is impotent, something he didn't reveal before marriage, he is a porn addict, and he lies all the tine).

The first step I thought would be to let some important people know. I have told my mother, sister, and closest friend. I told my counselor I am considering it, but I don't see her for 2 more weeks. I have told my boss I am having difficulties in my marriage and he has been very understanding and has offered to reorganize my work so that I can work better (I have been underperforming due to the stress of the marriage).

As the next step, I looked for apartments. I have to choose between an apartment in an unsecured building which is available later and one in a secure building which is available later. Is living in a secure building a good way to keep H away, or is it just a false sense of protection? He has never been violent but I hear divorce brings out the worse in people. Please advise on this.

Is it better to file for divorce before or after moving out? I want to file soon because I have to file within one year of learning he is impotent because I have a chance of claiming it as an invalid marriage (he has low testosterone, but kept blaming his non-performance on me causing stress in the marriage which kept me confused for almost a year before the testosterone results were measured). He denies his impotence but even if I can't prove it the porn and lying would qualify as mental cruelty. I hear about lawyers mailing the papers sometimes and sometimes I hear a sheriff serves the papers. In which situation is either of the methods used?

After all this, how do I move on? I have already reconnected with friends and made some new ones so I have a support group when I am divorced. Some are for emotional support, some are for activities like shopping, going to lunch, book club, etc. I plan to continue counseling for another year. Are there any other tips for women to build back their self-esteem and regain an independent sense of self?

It still seems so unreal. I still haven't registered the fact that I am finally taking some action.