Sorry LL, I probably haven't explained it clearly and in the order that everything happened. Yes he was giving me looks but he also did speak to me about it. He made it clear that he was unhappy about what he thought I was doing and said things like "I never see you and S having fun together", "You are always on his case" etc. That was what really upset me cause me and S are really close and we do have loads of fun together. If anyone is the love of my life then it is S. H was making me out to be a really wicked mother who doesn't care about my son and is just angry all the time. This is soooo far from true, really far from true. That is what made me say I wondered if H was projecting some of his own issues with me into this. Whether he found my (appropriate parent-child) controlling of our son too reminiscent of my inappropriate (previous) controlling of him.

There is a difference between the way I have to be with the kids and the way H can get away with being with them. If I was like him then nothing would get done, the house would be wrecked and my kids would be in total control. He can get away with being relaxed with them because he basically only sees them on Sunday and for about an hour 2 nights a week. Even though he is home with us that is all he sees of them. I have them the rest of the time and I have to run the show. It was his disapproval of me disciplining S in a way that I felt was actually BETTER than
Smacking
Yelling
Withdrawal of priveleges
Guilt trips

Not just the fact that he disapproved of the method, but that he threw in all kinds of total crap to back up his case that just isn't true. He was on a downer for about 3 days before I got him to open up and he explained that he hated leaving the house because of what he thought I was doing. I mean, my god, what kind of an imagination has this man got! Plus why couldn't he listen while I explained and have some faith in me. The worst of what he saw was TOTALLY S having a tantrum with me for trying to control what he did. The boundaries had got too lax and he had to be brought back into line, he did not enjoy that process (neither did I), but it had to happen and it did happen and no harm done. Now even H is impressed at what a well behaved and happy boy S is being- although he won't admit that it might be due to me reimposing proper discipline.

hmmmmmm!


Fran

if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs
Erica Jong