Kids will be kids, I know that. In fact sometimes I think H is a lot less patient with them than I am. We did have a long talk about it which turned into a heated discussion but we worked it out in the end. I got very upset with him that he was worried about what I might be doing to S, in the end I just had to say - I am his mother, I love him more than I can say and I would never do anything to harm him. Basically what H saw and what he didn't like was S reactions not my actions. My actions were firm but gentle, S was the one getting violent. I was being kicked, punched, bit etc and I was not reacting to it. S has settled down a lot since I have started doing this discipline method. What it consists in is keeping the child still for a period of time until they have calmed down and then redirecting them on to something more productive than the behaviour you dislike. The nub of it is that you do it very consistently so EVERY time they step out of line in a particular way they get the treatment. They quickly learn not to do it anymore. Also you keep control of your tongue and your emotions so there is no emotional baggage to it. What H doesn't get is that I have to get S to do stuff he might not feel like doing (e.g. go to pre-school, go to the supermarket) and I have to get things done to a timetable. When he takes a turn minding the kids he has no timetable and the only stuff to do is whatever they want to do, so he is able to manage the kids gently and without conflict because he is not thinking if we don't get dressed and into the car NOW we will not get to the supermarket in time and there will be nothing to eat in the house! I was just sick and tired of every day being one long battle between me and S (DD is little enough that I just pick her up and stuff her into her clothes/the car seat). It is beginning to turn around now and it is no longer such a battle. I think H can see that, he has not mentioned it since.
Yuk, yuk, yuk. I wish he just would have trusted me. I trust him to do his job (even though sometimes I can think of better ways he could be handling stuff). He really was seriously worried LL and that annoyed the crap out of me.
Anyway they are back. See ya
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
