Why not?

[AlexEN]

There is no escaping the reality that the core issue here is my unyielding insistence that my children "will not," "can not" go through this...that I am absolutely not capable of framing this in a positive light for them as it would mean submitting that what I say matters most doesn't really and that life can be just fine with or without the values at play that I hold so dear. I have to allow our survival and thriving to serve as evidence that divorce isn't so bad and you do what you have to do...because to live by my beliefs about divorce is to project relentless pain and suffering for my children. I don't know if I'm making sense. It is just such a profound contradiction. I don't want to move on and thrive and show them that divorce "just happens"...you know? I am just being honest that the impasse is so deep and so part of my fiber having lived through it.

But, I owe it to myself and my little ones to create something beautiful out of myself and our lives together.

I have to allow others to be right that life goes on and that we will be better having gone through this. And, I mean it. I want myself and my children to thrive, not just survive. I can't martyr myself and my wonderful kids just to be right.

A&K, you sorted it out brilliantly... W and I are telling the kids of D this coming Friday, and what you wrote describes the biggest snake in my head. I loathe the idea of telling them more than the idea of D itself, because I SO firmly believe we are taking the Wrong path, but realizing that what I want more than Anything is for them Never to have to go through the H*ll W or I have endured in our R. So, while I will do what I can to make the Best of this, it doesn't mean I have to be untrue to myself and frame it in a positive light. I will impart upon them the positive lessons I've learned yet I can maintain the belief that it could have happened inside the M and it is not because of the D...

Now I have no idea if I'm making any sense... but, I empathize with your conundrum...