Some sun with scattered showers

[haphazard]

Hi all,

I haven't been here for a while, I've been trying not to obsess about the R too much so decided to stay away for a bit.

My H is bugging the hell out of me at the moment. So I feel the need to vent a bit.

I am trying to keep the kids (S4, d2) on track, not let them run the show and have recently read a couple of (more) books about child-rearing. One of which is the manipulative child. The title is kind of off-putting I suppose but in fact I think it is a gold-mine of good information about keeping kids on track. Anyway H now thinks I am bullying the kids especially S and is sticking up in their defence the whole time When he is not around the kids and I are fine and they do (more or less) what I need them to and we get along great and have fun too. When H is around I only need to say one little thing and he is immediately there contradicting me or "softening the blow" like he is trying to protect them from me. Example: yesterday I took scissors away from D(2) while I went downstairs and put them up where she could not get them but S(4) could reach. I could hear them muttering together and felt pretty sure S was getting scissors back for her. Anyway later on D came out of bath, H still in bathroom with S and I saw the scissors in her seat and the top cut off the teat of her bottle. So I asked her "who gave you the scissors back?", she named her brother. So I called out to S "Did you give the scissors back when I took them away". He says No so I say "I think you did". Straightaway H is backing him up, if he said he didn't then he didn't, just because D says he did doesn't mean he did it, she would say that etc. (I wish there was a roll your eyes up to heaven icon here). Anyway I left it and later talked to S about the scissors, he admitted he had taken them back down.

This is just one among many examples this weekend, seems like every time I tell S to do something, H is there telling him it’s OK he doesn’t have to. This morning I could hear the kids chatting to each other in their room, they chatted for about 10-15 mins before S came into us and said he was wet (in other words, peed the bed). Because they had been happily talking for so long before S came in to us I was suspicious that he had peed the bed while he was awake, because usually if he does this he comes straight in to me to change him etc. So I asked S about when exactly he had peed and he said it was while he was talking to D. I told him (not overly sternly) that he shouldn’t wet the bed, that he is old enough to get out of bed and use potty etc, then I asked him to take the sheets off the bed himself, which he did (with a few grumbles). H decided S was just confused (huh?)

The way he defends S so much makes me think he is using S as some kind of example of himself. (I know he feels S and himself have a lot in common). He allows S to play the poor little me act far more than necessary, in the same way he will play his own poor little me act. If I try to get S to shape up a bit H is on my case. The most annoying part is that I know S is capable of so much more and he does behave well and look after himself, and D and help me out when H is not around. He only reverts to the baby act for H, H then thinks he is doing this because he is feeling sad and vulnerable because I am being overbearing. Some days this week H has looked at me in the morning like he is leaving the kids with a child abuser. It is soooo far from true I could just scream.


Just to add to the mix, last night when D woke up about 2am I was trying to settle her and H banged on the wall or the bed or something (as if saying shut that racket up!). So I call out to him "Thankyou, that helps". With that D quiets down, so he says "It does actually". I am laughing now but let me tell you I was not laughing last night. The kids got in our bed this morning and were climbing about and jumping over us. H acts like they are not there and he is some kind of log. Sunday morning is the one morning a week when he is supposed to get up with kids so I can have a lie in. Finally D jumps on H which actually hurts or something, so he sits up suddenly, growls at her and flounces off. D is in tears. 15 mins later he is finally back to get kids out of my hair. So much for ME being the child abuser. At least when I am stern with the kids, there is cause, I am not doing it just because I am feeling pissy. AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!


Sorry about the long vent, I just needed to get this off my chest.

Fran