No. He is not acting like a H so why would you act like a W? Remember LRT? Don't be at his beck & call. Tell him you were so busy (insert vague GALing activity) that you forgot OR were too busy. Be very nice about it - act "as if" it just slipped your mind.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
My nails are wet right now anyway. I've polished my nails more times in the past month than I did over our five-year marriage.
By the time they're dry, my friend will be here and we'll be leaving for the movie. I may or may not get home before he gets tired of being a daddy anyway.
I just got home, H will probably be home with DD in about half an hour. I feel so sad that I missed her first time swimming. I feel sad that one of us will always miss all of these firsts.
Last night I found a note he had written me after we had a big fight when we'd only been dating a couple of years. It made me cry because I'm so angry that that person is gone.
I think I'm going to try to get in to see the MC by myself this week and talk over some of the things that are on my mind, since I don't feel comfortable bringing them up to H.
And I forgot to do his laundry... He ended up throwing the wet stuff in a trash bag and taking it with him. God forbid he actually hang out for the 20 minutes it would take his stuff to dry! I think he was irritated with me about that.
I'm really wondering about having him in the delivery room... I wouldn't have a non-medical personnel stranger in the delivery room. I know that is about six weeks away, and maybe things will change a bit between now and then, but it seems like every time we see each other, we're further apart.
Good - now he's seeing that your world doesn't revolve around him. YOU have things to do! And they do NOT include his dirty laundry (although you are stuck with it in another sense LOL)! Sorry couldn't help myself there.
You should have him in the delivery room. I know you are hurt & just "thinking out loud" in previous post, but that is something for your unborn child...and a possible REAL bonding experience for you both. Remember...do things that bring the 2 of you together...that will.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
I know - I don't think I could exclude him. It's just satisfying to think that I could totally yell at him for everything and then tell him to get the F out - I can do this on my own
On the bright side, I will have his undivided attention for several hours for once in many months. I should be looking forward to it.
I know I was a bit pissy with him this weekend, so if he asks about it, I'll just tell him I was a little sad that I missed DD's first time swimming, but I know he's missed out on a lot of firsts so it's OK and I'm glad they had such a fun time!
I'm thinking about joking with him about the fact that he has started asking "How are you" when he talks to me on the phone... it sounds like when he asks his mom, like he's walking into some minefield.
I just talked to him on the phone for about half an hour (he called me). I was pleasant and upbeat and positive. Thank you PMA for coming back.
He asked for my help buying a couch for his apartment b/c he can't really afford another bill, and he doesn't have the extra $ to spend. He said he was looking at actual living room sets too... I told him that honestly, when he talks about buying furniture, it doesn't seem like it's going to be so temporary...
He explains that he can always a) use the furniture in our empty living room b) put it in the basement (planned to be the man-cave at one time) c) sell it... But obviously it's very painful for him to be without a couch even after only two weeks on his own.
We chatted for a bit (I sent him an email earlier that was a picture of Billy Mays with a funny caption and he loved it, that's why he called). I told him during the convo what my dad had said to me about a week ago - because we were talking about how he wished I hadn't told my parents about the separation. I explained that I don't tell my mom much of anything, really, but my dad is cool. My dad's been there, done that. My dad has wondered if it would be worth it to be completely broke and live apart from a family that probably drove him nuts. That my dad is happy where he's at, after 30 years...
When I told him my dad had told me that if he was told when he was young that this would be his life, he would have said no thanks - H asked "even now?" and I said "No, he'd do it all over again now."
I'm wondering if it's something he'll think about, at least that my dad is not someone that he has to be afraid of...
And that's the most R talk I'm going to have for a while. But I was very positive and light about it... And it felt more like I was talking to my H and not this pod person that he's been lately.
Which reinforces: light and positive = better response from H. Grouchy and tired = H getting the heck away.
I would not help him with anything that makes his life without you comfortable. This is his bed that he made, now he has to sleep in it no matter how uncomfortable.
Don't be a bitch about it, just say, gosh that would just not be very comfortable picking out a couch with you, I do not think I can do that. Then change the subject.
By the way, did you hear that Billy Mayes died?
You are doing great, but with the long phone conversations, remember to end it first, like a comedian, have the crowd wanting more when you leave!
Yes, I was more heartbroken about Billy Mays than I was about MJ.
As far as the couch goes - I might do it just to be able to say:
"H, I did not fight you on moving out. I have no problem helping you out when you need it, and am willing to give up some of my time with our daughter so that you two can have daddy/daughter fun together. I haven't asked you to commit to date nights or alone time with me. The only thing that I'm asking from you is that you go see the counselor with me for an hour before you're out of town for a month."
I would not do that. That will probably be seen as manipulating behavior (which when you really think about it, it is). Not that it's not for a good purpose, but I wonder if it will move you TOWARDS your goal...or away???
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
If I don't help him out with a $300 couch, he'll probably get pissy about every dollar I spend on myself and think I'm being manipulative by NOT helping him with the couch.
Maybe instead of approaching it as "I still do so much for you" I'll simply say "Please."
I told him that I had a lot of trouble with the bedroom set - as far as convincing myself it was OK to spend that money. But then I would always have a bedroom set, regardless of what happened, if I ended up in a apartment or something like that.
He said it was ridiculous to say - that he would make sure we stayed in the house, though WE might have to cut back though on things like cable, etc. But I don't want to have to struggle to stay in this house either.
